I am the only child of my mother. She never lets me forget that the responsibility falls on me to continue her lineage. Now that I am in my thirties, that reality weighs on me more than it ever did when I was younger. These days when she calls me I get a little anxious. Every conversation circles back to the same topic. “When are you getting married?” “I want to carry my grandchildren before the Lord calls me home.”

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I am not in Ghana at the moment. I have moved overseas in search of greener pastures. Before I travelled, I was in a serious relationship with a lady in Ghana. I tried everything possible to start a family with her, but things just didn’t work out. I was disappointed but I understand that sometimes life simply takes its own turn, without regard for your plans or your effort.

 

Life abroad too is not a walk in the park. I can’t go on a baby-making spree just because my mother wants me to. The process of getting proper documentation has even delayed me from securing a stable career path. So I am too “hot” to be thinking about pursuing long-term relationships.

 

I keep telling myself that once I’m fully settled, and I’m standing on my own two feet, everything else will naturally follow. But mothers don’t want to hear timelines; they want grandchildren. “You are not a child, Eli. If you don’t give me grandchildren now, then when? Do you want me to go to the land of the ancestors before my grandchildren bless the face of this world?”

 

While I ward off my mother’s pressure, I can’t help but think about my dating life. Most of the women I have met are single mothers. Even the women I have met here who could be potential love interests have children. They have the right documents, they understand the system, and being with them would make settling down much easier. But I hesitate because of a pattern I have noticed in my family.

 

Growing up, I watched several members of my matrilineal family marry single mothers. They often start happy and successful but somewhere along the line, things don’t end well for them. The marriages always fell apart.

 

So each time I meet a single mother who is interested in me, I feel a tug-of-war inside. On one side is the practical reality of my situation: I am ageing, documentation is delaying my life plans, and these women are established and they know how things work here. On the other side is my fear that marrying a single mother may end badly for me.

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My mother, of course, does not know all of this. To her, she’s not getting younger and I’m her only child. Now I don’t know if I should follow her wishes or wait. Doing what she wants means I would marry one of the single mothers around me because I am ageing. Waiting means I will get my documentation through another means, and marry a woman who does not have children. I need help making a decision about this stage of my life.

—Elias

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