I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about three and a half years now. When I first met her, she was selling smoked tilapia with two other ladies. All three of them were from the same village and lived together like sisters.
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After about a year, misunderstandings happened among the three of them, and she parted ways with the two other ladies and moved in with me. I was renting a small apartment then. We never had any issues living together. To be honest, she was a very hardworking woman. So I was happy to have her around.
I did my best to take care of her but she wanted to make her own money. She always talked about starting a small business. Although I wanted to set her up, things were tough for me financially then. My motorbike often broke down, so sometimes I couldn’t work. We were often on a tight budget.
In an attempt to raise money by herself, she found a job that required her to sleep over at her workplace. They sold all kinds of soups and food in a busy area. She only came home occasionally to smash.
Our relationship worked this way until she got pregnant. She couldn’t have kept that stressful job in her condition. She had to quit and come home. Thankfully, it was at a time when things had started improving for me. I had stopped riding okada and found a good job with a company that paid well. It enabled me to take care of her throughout the pregnancy. I made sure she never lacked anything or for a moment, felt alone.
I even went with my parents to her village to perform the necessary customary rites before she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
We were a happy family until about three months ago when something happened that broke me deeply. She was having a conversation with one of my cousins, who lives nearby. I had introduced the two of them when my girlfriend and I started dating, so they are quite close.
During their chat about menstrual cycles, my girlfriend made a shocking confession to my cousin. She said that during her time working at the soup place, one of the business owner’s sons entered her room one night and assaulted her.
She told me back then that the guy liked her and she had rejected him, but I didn’t know it went that far. Her menstrual cycle was irregular, as a naive village girl, she didn’t know much about fertile or safe periods.
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What hurt me most is that she didn’t tell me first. I had to find out from my cousin.
When I confronted her, she broke down and confessed everything. She said, “When it happened I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how I could have done that.” She also said that because of the timing, she’s not completely sure whether the child is mine or that guy’s. “That pregnancy was 50/50,” as she put it.
I told her I had forgiven her, but deep down, I feel hurt and betrayed. My cousin promised to keep the matter private but advised me to do a DNA test when I can afford it.
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Since that day, I’ve struggled to see my girlfriend the same way. I keep wondering what else she might be hiding from me. We argue sometimes. When we do, our child’s paternity comes up and things quickly escalate.
I’ve told her honestly that I’ve lost trust in her, but at the same time, I can’t deny that I still love her. Or maybe I’m just emotionally stuck because of everything we’ve been through. Aside from conducting a DNA test, is this a woman I can trust?
—Gershon
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