I’ve always been a giver. I am happiest when the people I care about are comfortable. I think it’s my best trait and sometimes my worst. That’s because even when people prove to me that they don’t deserve my help, I am uncomfortable if I can help them but I don’t. Take my baby daddy for instance, he has shown me many times that he may not be worth it but I can’t quiet the thoughts that say he is still the father of my children. So my children and I will benefit from whatever I do for him.
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Currently, he is not financially stable. I have been thinking about setting up a business for him. My plan is to fund it and have him pay back the money as a loan, with little to no interest.
The only reason I haven’t taken the step yet is because of some comments he made when Daddy Lumba’s issue became a topic of discussion. One of the things he kept repeating was, “A man with money can do whatever he wants in marriage because he paid the bride price.” He also believes there’s nothing wrong with a man having side chicks or children outside marriage, so long as he takes care of them. We are not married yet but these statements worry me deeply.
Although we have two children together, we haven’t discussed marriage yet. But his mother keeps saying it’s best for us to stay together so our children can grow up with both parents. That’s part of the reason I want to help him get on his feet financially. That way he can provide for me and the children.
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Besides, it breaks my heart whenever he complains that he doesn’t have money. I know people will say I can take care of myself so that’s enough, but there’s a certain peace that comes from knowing your man is also capable of providing for himself, his woman, and the children.
So, I really want to know: has anyone here been in this kind of situation before? Did you go ahead to help the man, or did you move on and focus on your own life?
—Monica
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What surety has he shown that he will tale care of you and the children?
You might set him up with a business it flourishes then he’s out running the streets then your drams will be shattered.
Anyway point is whatever decision you make be ready for the aftermath.
The hand writing is clearly on the wall. A man who is poor and behaving like this will not take care of you when he’s rich.
It’s clear you have good intentions, but you know what, channel the resources you have into your personal growth. You can also set up a side business for yourself.
If you establish a business for him and he starts doing well, he’s likely to abandon you and marry someone else and just to add , he will not pay you back.
Save your money, your energy and emotions
I will advise you give him out just twenty percent to test the waters to see if he will help you if he gets on his feet. Cus from all indications he has shown who he really is.
So you prepare yourself in all ways to face the outcome.
Let his mother be a witness of the help you will be lending due to future unforeseen.
And grow your own self as well to better the kids growth. Move out and let him come marry you from your family
Then he will do right
Use the money on yourself. Put yourself first.
Do you have a backup plan for your children, should he abandon you and kids?
Use you head my dear, they are there for purpose!
Don’t do it. It will backfire big time and you’ll be heartbroken in the end