When our first child was about to be born, my mother-in-law willingly opted to come and stay with us to help take care of the baby, which I agreed to. A week after she had arrived, my wife told me, “You know my mom has left everything she was doing just to come stay with us. I think we should give her a certain amount monthly as compensation.”

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It didn’t sit well with me at first, but I agreed. When I suggested GHC500, my wife doubled it and told her mom about it even before telling me that she had reached an agreement of GHC1,000 a month with her. It turned into a big disagreement, but we couldn’t fight about it openly because her mom was around.

For the nine months this woman stayed with us, I **paid** her and covered her medical bills when she fell sick. If a day or two passed at the end of the month and she didn’t receive her money, she would call me and say, “I haven’t seen the money in my Momo oo. Have you sent it and the MTN people have decided not to pay me?”

My mom had already retired when we had our second child. The agreement was for her to come and stay with us. I chose my mom because I knew I wouldn’t have to pay her, and she would help in the same way my mother-in-law did. We agreed on this, but a few days before the delivery, my mother-in-law arrived.

I told my wife, “But that wasn’t the agreement?” She answered, “Yeah, but I don’t know who asked her to come because I didn’t.”

I told her to ask her to go because my mom was on her way. She responded, “Well, she’s here already, so we should let her stay.” When I told my mom, she wasn’t happy, but what could she do?

A month later, my wife asked, “Won’t you pay my mom?”

The stern look I gave her, she would have been better off if she had been swallowed by a volcano. “What do you mean? Do you think I pluck money from a tree? Tell your mom I have two kids now, so I can’t pay.”

Maybe she didn’t tell her mom, because a few days later her mom asked me, “I haven’t seen my money ooo. Or you’ve sent it and…”

I cut in, “Ask your daughter. She knows why the money hasn’t come.”

She’s been here for the past three months, but she doesn’t talk to me the way she used to. She easily wears a frown, especially at the end of the month. To be honest, I’ve started growing angry about her demeanor, and I even feel our baby isn’t in safe hands. If my in-law is going to be walking around wearing a frown instead of caring for the baby, then we might as well let her leave.

I want to ask her to leave so my mom can come. My wife doesn’t agree with me and rather accuses me of being inconsiderate. “Your mom is your mom and my mom is my mom,” she told me. “I find it easier with my mom than with your mom. Why don’t you understand that?”

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I responded, “I can’t pay that much every month for your ‘easiness.’ If it’s so important to you to be with your mom, then you pay her. I already have too many bills to pay.”

Or, is my wife right? Am I being inconsiderate?

—Daniel

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