Sammy was my second boyfriend, but he was my first love. I must have been 20 when I met him back in 2010. I was working as a sales girl. Behind the shop where I sold recharge cards was a supermarket where police officers were often posted. Sammy was the fourth officer to be stationed there. I was naïve, reserved, but beautiful. Many of them asked me out, but I turned them all down.

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Sammy is tall, handsome, and calm, like the others, but he never asked me out. He would just come and sit with me. Because he didn’t pursue me like the others, I grew fond of him and began to look forward to his visits. We became friends. I felt safe and comfortable enough to be playful around him.

One day, I lost my boss’s recharge cards worth 15,000 naira. My monthly salary was only 3,000. My boss forgave me but withheld my pay. Not long after, I lost another card worth 1,500 naira. Out of fear of losing my job, I reached out to Sammy, and he helped me cover the debt I incurred.

As time passed, he was posted to another unit. I didn’t want him to fade out of my life so I went to visit him so I would know where he lived. I went to his house three consecutive times. He was a complete gentleman all those times. Nonetheless, I was a little disappointment when he still didn’t ask me out. We were friends for many months before we started dating.

Sammy treated me with so much love and care. He wanted me to be the best version of myself. He was the reason I wrote and passed my WASSCE. He helped me open my first bank account. I can honestly say that I am a graduate today because of the role he played in my life.

Whenever I had issues—whether sickness, mistakes, or life’s challenges—he was my go-to person. He never once told me to ask my older siblings for help. Even though he didn’t have much, he always gave. Sammy even placed me on a small stipend every month, which he increased whenever his salary went up.

I, in turn, always gave him gifts to show how much I loved and appreciated him. And on occasions when his salary ran out before the end of the month, I stepped in to support him until our next pay. By then, I had gotten another job. Around 2012, my siblings threw me out of the house due to a family misunderstanding. I went to stay with my aunt, but I wasn’t too worried because I still had my pillar of support—Sammy. Then, out of nowhere, he ended our relationship. He said his family did not want him to marry someone from a different tribe.

My world crumbled. It felt like being thrown into an ocean when I couldn’t swim. I felt lost. I wept. He tried to console me, but nothing he said made sense. He assured me he would still be there for me; he even offered to buy my JAMB form as he was also planning to further his education, but I refused. It was him I wanted, not what he had to give.

That heartbreak changed me. I learned, by force, to be there for myself. I learned to do life alone. After a year, I managed to move on, but the new man I dated was nothing compared to Sammy. That relationship also ended after three years.

After that guy, I met my husband. He didn’t show much commitment, and I didn’t have strong feelings for him either, but I married him anyway. I thought I had built a strong enough bridge to handle my pain and life alone, but I was wrong.

My fears about love came true. I made a mistake and married a man I didn’t love, who clearly doesn’t love me either, even though he claims he does. He has not been my pillar of support. It makes me think of my first love.

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It’s been 13 years since Sammy walked out of my heart, but I think of him when I’m in pain, when I smell his old perfume, when I recall his words of caution, and when I do things the way he taught me.

What if he was my one and only true love? I’ve never opened my heart to another man the way I did with him, and I may never.

I don’t know where he is now. He stopped calling me in 2019, the month of my wedding, after I gave someone my phone to warn him never to call again.

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I hope he’s alive and doing well for himself. I hope his love life is better than mine. He never laid his hands on me. But the man I married did, and it caused me serious health challenges.

This loveless marriage is the reason I keep thinking about my first love. I don’t know if I still love him or if it’s just nostalgia playing tricks on me. All I know is that I experienced a great love with him, and I may never taste that again.

—Grace

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