We got a divorce two years ago because he wouldn’t stop lying about little things. On top of that, he had too many friends and placed their need for attention above mine. These were people who led him to beer bars instead of places where opportunities existed. I never caught him, but I believed he was cheating too.

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Our child was only one year old, and I needed him around as often as possible, but he chose his friends over us. He would go out to watch soccer with them and leave us to struggle alone at home. After talking about it for so long without any change, I snapped and ranted. That day, he slapped me while I was holding our baby.

He kept screaming, “If you like, talk again and you’ll see what will happen to you. Who married who? Am I your son for you to talk to me anyhow?”

Our baby looked at him, then broke down crying. I cried too.

I didn’t say a word after that because I was terrified. The next day, I moved to my parents’ house where I could get the help I needed. A week later, when he came around to take me back home, I told him I didn’t want the marriage anymore. He swore he wouldn’t beat me again. I swore I wouldn’t put myself in a place where he would have the chance to beat me again and that place was away from him.

After the divorce, we sat down and discussed how we would take care of our child. We wrote everything down and divided the responsibilities between us. Co-parenting went very well at first. He would come for our child on weekends, and I would go back to his place on Sunday evening to pick him up. He sent money when needed and even brought gifts.

We were doing so well that I asked myself, “Why wasn’t he this kind of man when we were married?” But I had moved on long ago and didn’t love him anymore. My heart was so empty that even if he had brought me the world, I would have said no.

Then one Friday evening, he called to tell me he wouldn’t be able to come for our child because he was attending an event with his girlfriend. I said, “Girlfriend? Are you choosing her over your child?”

It didn’t change anything, but that weekend I felt very angry, scared, and sad. I didn’t expect him to stay single forever, but I also didn’t expect him to move on so soon, to the extent of choosing a date over spending time with his child.

When he called again, I asked him to come to the table so we could redraw the agreement now that he had a girlfriend. I didn’t want to assume the old agreement still applied while he changed things as and when he pleased. He said, “I’ll come today,” then, “I’ll come tomorrow,” but he never showed up. Whenever it was his turn to come for the child or visit as stated in our agreement, he made excuses.

I decided not to say much or do much. Even when he stopped sending money, I didn’t call. He did this for a very long time.

One day, he called and said he wanted to have a face-to-face conversation. I refused and told him we should do it over the phone. When he called, he said, “I’ve told my girlfriend about you and the child. She wants to be sure there will be no baby mama drama, so she wants to meet you two.”

My answer was simple: “I don’t want to meet anyone. Deal with her however you please, but don’t bring me and my child into it.” He accused me of sabotaging his relationship, when all I was doing was living my life.

He hadn’t sent money for months. He hadn’t come for the child for months. He hadn’t even visited, yet one day he called, speaking only about himself as if we didn’t matter. His selfishness was what made me bitter.

Then one Saturday afternoon, he came around to see the child but he showed up with his girlfriend. I felt ambushed and put on the spot. He said, “Meet my girlfriend. She’s been dying to meet you.”

I snapped.

I said, “I thought we agreed I didn’t want to meet her. So why bring her here without telling me?”

I didn’t even raise my voice much. I simply told the lady all the wrongs he had done to me and my child—the money he didn’t send, the agreement he broke, and the excuses he made to run from his responsibilities. I concluded, “If you’re the reason he’s treating me this way, then one day he might do the same to you.”

I shut my door and left while they both stood there, speechless. Maybe she concluded I was going to be troublesome or disturb their relationship, because she eventually broke up with him. He now blames me for destroying his relationship with “the woman of his dreams” and, as punishment, has stopped sending a dime for the child’s upkeep, let alone visiting.

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Recently, I found out that the lady was the daughter of a very rich and influential man. That was the real reason he was trying so hard to win her over. I pitied him, but all he had to do was take care of his responsibilities first.

Now, I’m preparing to go to court to compel him to discharge his fatherly duties to our child. I don’t mind if the terms are varied. All I want is for him to be a father.

—Barbie

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