My husband asked what I do with my money. I wasn’t angry. I patiently listed everything my money covers when I receive my salary and he realized that a huge chunk of it goes into the family the two of us are building.

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We have two children. He pays the fees but I buy the books and pay for the food and snacks of the children. Anything extra that comes up, I pay. He pays the light bill, I pay for water when the time comes. He gives the housekeeping money but I add almost the same amount to it before we can have a decent meal on our table everyday.

“So you see, I’m not being selfish,” I told him. “I’m not keeping my money while you spend yours on us. I’m supporting the best way I can.”

I thought he understood me and would even call me a good wife for doing all that but a few weeks later, he brought the same topic again, demanding that I take up the payment of housekeeping money because there’s a lot of burden on him. I asked, “What burden are you talking about? Are you spending on ghosts and gods that I don’t know?”

He started listing everything and half of the things he listed had nothing to do with the home we have but external things. He talked about his car that needs care and maintenance. He talked about how much he had to send home to his parents and the fact that he had to contribute to pay his siblings’ school fees. He said, “You know my dad hasn’t been well too. It’s all on me.”

I also send money home to my parents. When they are sick, I’m the one they call because I’m the first child. My husband has brothers and sisters who are doing well. I knew what he was saying wasn’t the whole truth but I decided to do as he requested. I only wanted transparency. I wanted to know how long I should keep sustaining the house with the housekeeping money so I would know how to plan my financial duties.

He said, “I will start giving you money when I’m in the position to do so.” I responded, “That’s not the answer I’m expecting. It’s your responsibility and I’m helping you so you don’t expect me to carry it forever.”

He got angry and asked me where it was written in the laws of Ghana that it was a man’s duty to give housekeeping money. Tempers were getting high so I stopped talking. A month later, I told him I needed the answer because I’ll also collapse under the weight. He screamed, “Why are you this wicked? See the increment on your salary but you still don’t want to do more. Why are you women like that?”

He had gone through my things, I don’t know where, and had seen I’ve been given a raise so it was based on that raise that he was asking me to do more than I was already doing. I feel that is the most dishonest way to approach issues like this. I’ve never asked for more from him because he had been given a raise.

I told him, “If that’s your reason then why didn’t you state it right from the beginning but had to lie about what you do with your money? I’m not doing it again. It’s your responsibility, take it like the man that you are.”

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

He didn’t do it so I stopped cooking for the house. I would do it for the kids, everything they want, I provide but not for my husband to benefit since he’s using unfair tactics to get me to do something he himself ought to do. We’ve been at it for over two months now. He buys and eats. Sometimes he eats outside. When he comes home and he sees leftovers, he eats that too.

I’m getting tired of the charade and want a resolution to the issue but I feel he knows me too well to know I’m the one who will give up in the end that’s why he’s doing that. Is it fair the way he’s treating me? How should I deal with this to get a permanent solution?

—Lovelace

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