My boyfriend is 25 years old. I understand that he is young and still building his life but I don’t think he is doing enough for himself. He lives with his friend. The two of them live in a single room. It’s not as if they can’t afford their individual spaces. I know my Markey earns well. He told me how much his friend also makes and it’s good money. Despite this, there’s no bed in their room. Just a sad tired mattress on the floor.

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I don’t have a job. It’s a struggle for me to get money to take care of myself and my daughter, but I feel like I’m doing better than he is.

He earns about 7,000 Kenyan shillings a week, and their shared rent is only 3,000 a month. His friend also earns not less than 3,000 a week. With that kind of income, they could easily pay rent separately, but for some reason, they have chosen not to. How am I supposed to see a future with this person?

He doesn’t even seem open to growth. The other day, he texted me saying his friend complained about my visits.

“He says he feels uncomfortable when you come here.”

Truthfully, I am also not comfortable when he is around. I can’t invite my boyfriend to my place either. My daughter is here. It doesn’t feel right for me to bring him around her yet. I have only been with him for two months. It’s too soon.

Usually, I spend Saturdays and Sundays with him but after his complaint I asked him, “So what do we do going forward?”

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He says he doesn’t know. He is not willing to move out. He is not even ready to buy a mattress. His excuse is that he has a child he is taking care of. Well, it’s not as if that child is in school yet. It just seems he is not interested in treating himself well.

If not, why would you have a girlfriend and let her visit you at a place that looks like that? It’s not only weird to me but it’s also a complete turn-off.

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This same friend he is so glued to is someone who tried to flirt with me in the past. That’s why I don’t get along well with him. Recently, the subject of our weekend meetings came up again and he said, “It will depend on whether Frank will be home on weekends or if he will go out?”

I get the message. My time with him is conditional on someone else’s plans. I have decided I am done. Too many red flags.

—Cecil

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