He started talking about marriage a month into the relationship. I told him I wasn’t sure my parents would allow us to get married but with persuasion, they could change their minds. He was a good man. I liked that he was kind to me and constantly patient with me. My problem had to do with his lifestyle. That is what my parents wouldn’t approve of him. He is a smoker. 

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At first, he told me he quit. However, when we started dating, I noticed that he smoked heavily. He was also doing other drugs. When I confronted him, he talked about going to rehab. We didn’t have money for that, so we decided to manage it on our own. His mother also said she would monitor him so we can slowly help him quit.

A few weeks into managing his addiction, I found out I was pregnant. I was inconsolable. Apart from the fact that I was nowhere near ready for motherhood, my parents would be terribly disappointed in me, especially if they got to know that the man in question is a drug addict. 

He told me not to worry about the future. “Children are a blessing, and this one is going to be a bond in our love. You know that I already plan to marry you,” he assured me. We were not financially ready for marriage yet, but the promise of it was enough to convince me to keep the baby. 

The plan was for us to keep the pregnancy quiet until he met my parents officially. Unfortunately, pregnancy symptoms did not allow us to stick to the plan. I was constantly nauseous and weak. By then, I was spending some time with him in his mother’s house. So she found out I was expecting. 

Shortly after that, Ayo travelled and asked me to live with his mother while he was away. I agreed, but how would I explain my long absence from home? I ended up lying to my family that I got a job somewhere and had to live on-site. When he returned from wherever he went, he was trembling. He claimed it was a health issue and that he had some supplements that helped. 

“Are you sure the supplements are enough? Should we go to the hospital?”

He shook his head and said, “Only rehab can help me now, but you know we don’t have the money to pay for it.”

When he settled in and the trembling stopped for a while, I introduced him to my family. He didn’t talk about our plans for marriage with my dad. Rather, he told him that we were in no rush to get married. When we left my parents’ house, he said, “I had to say that to your dad because your mum called me aside and told me there was no way he would let me marry you now.” I wasn’t happy about it. How was I supposed to tell my family that I was pregnant for a man who was in no hurry to marry me? Anyway, I let it go.

As time passed, we started having problems. Little little things that could easily be resolved led to big fights. One time, I missed his mother’s call, so he said I didn’t love him. Another time, I went to learn an online skill from a male friend. Daniel accused me of cheating on him. I begged, and even deleted the guy’s number, but he refused to let it go. It was when I said I was breaking up with him that he begged me to stay. After that incident, he started trembling one day. I rubbed his back in an attempt to help him. It didn’t work until he took his supplements. When he finished he said, “If you loved me you would have helped me take my medication.” 

That was the last straw for me. I decided the drama was too much for me to bear. I packed my bags and went to my father’s house. He apologized and asked me to return. I refused. He was relentless. Eventually, he wore me down. I went back to him with the promise that he would work on getting better. That was when he finally went to rehab. 

Despite all that, he was still as dramatic as ever. When he came back, he still picked fights with me over unnecessary things. I went to visit a friend once, and he accused me that I went there to sleep with men. Meanwhile, he was the man who broke my virginity. I got angry that he treated me as if I was a hooker he picked from the streets. That day, I threw a slipper at him. 

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The drama kept happening until Christmas passed, and he went back to rehab in January. When he returned nothing changed. We started fighting again. In one of our fights, I slapped him. In another one, I wanted to leave his room to clear my head. But he blocked the door, held my shoulder, and shook me violently so I bit him. The loudest one happened when he asked me to return money that he had given me so I could rent my own place. I told him I had locked 30,000 naira in my Opay. I could only send him 20,000 naira. 

He didn’t believe me. He got angry and slapped me. I hit him back. We fought. Everyone heard us.

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Anyway, after all that back and forth, I finally left him for good. I have given birth now. The baby is four months old. I don’t know how I allowed myself to get entangled in that mess, but I am glad it’s over now. 

I want to take good care of my child, so I have been looking for work to do. Right now, I can do a cleaning job with a flexible schedule. My mum will help me take care of the child twice a week while I go to work. So if anyone can connect me to an opportunity, I would be very grateful. 

—Favour

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