We agreed to have two kids right at the onset of our marriage, but the third child sneaked in and later the fourth followed. To be honest with you, the fourth was difficult to take, especially for me. My wife, suspecting I would tell her not to have it, didn’t tell me about it until it was too late. It turned into a huge argument, but I was careful not to say anything she could use against me.

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When she had the fourth and came home, she told me she had asked the doctor to tie her womb so we don’t accidentally have a fifth child. It’s not something we discussed. She did it at the spur of the moment. I wasn’t angry. It meant that we could enjoy our sex life without being scared of having the fifth.

Usually, we would do the deed after three months of delivery, but after four months, she was still giving me excuses. She used the baby as an excuse. She used her emotional state and even said she was tired. Sometimes, she would sleep in the hall with the baby just to escape being intimate. Her mom was around so she knew I couldn’t come to the hall to do it.

I was starved and emotionally unbalanced. Little things made me angry. We argued over every little thing, including housekeeping money, something I provided every day without resistance. One day I told her, “It’s not about the money. It’s not about anything. The real reason we fight these days is because you’ve denied me conjugal rights in this house. It’s been six months, for crying out loud.”

She answered, “Is that what you’ll eat every day? Then you’ll fight for long, papa.”

Eight months without sex started ringing bells of frustration inside of me. We needed to talk seriously about it, so I started asking questions. I asked what the problem was. I asked if the doctor sealed off the ‘hole’ while performing the operation. I asked if she no longer found me attractive. I asked all the questions because I was sick and tired of how she was treating me. She answered, “When I’m ready, you’ll know. I don’t have the headspace for this nagging you’ve been subjecting me to these days. Is sex food?”

She would cover herself around the house as if she was living with a stranger. We walked around the house naked when we started life together. When babies started coming, we kept the nakedness in the bedroom. It’s only when we went out of the bedroom that we covered up, but my wife would come from the bath with cloth covering her from chest to ankle. She would wear her panty while being covered in the cloth. She would sleep in loose trousers and a top and put the baby between us so our skins don’t touch.

When the fourth started walking around the house and had probably learned how to say “Mommy” but I still hadn’t had a bite of the cherry, I made a complaint to her mom. It’s the most embarrassing situation I’d ever found myself in, to sit in front of my mother-in-law to complain about lack of sex in my marriage. My mother-in-law also didn’t help the situation. She laughed about it as if it wasn’t a serious issue. Even when she sought to address it with my wife, she laughed about it.

“Agnes, your husband made a complaint to me that you don’t allow him to have sex. Why are you doing that? Don’t you know you’re killing him softly?”

And then she burst out laughing. From there, she spoke amidst laughter, treating my complaint as child’s play. My wife also laughed about it and told her mom I was lying. The whole scene made me angry, so I didn’t say another word. When we were left alone and I sought to address it once and for all, my wife said, “Why are you behaving like I’m the only woman you can sleep with? Are you not a man? Haven’t you been doing it outside since you can’t have it from the inside? Continue.”

We’ve been married for eight years and I’ve cheated only once. Even that one, we didn’t get intimate. I proposed to her and she said yes, but we didn’t have the space to explore what we started. I wasted money on her until she left the space where I saw her every day. Once she was gone, I didn’t pursue her again. But in my wife’s mind, I was a man so I had the ticket to cheat.

Our fourth is ten months old and I still haven’t tasted the cherry. Again she said, “You think I care if you do it with someone else? The ‘stick’ is yours and it’s in front of you. You can decide where you stick it and I don’t care. I’m not ready. You’ll know when I am.”

At this point, it’s no longer about intimacy. It’s about my marriage. It’s about the foundation of this relationship we’ve built for over eleven years. Does she want a divorce and she’s using this as the bait to get it? Is it some mental health issue that’s causing her to drag this issue this far? Or when her womb was tied, a piece of her brain was also tied because I can’t understand it.

My Wife Has The Spiritual Powers To Detect Cheating

So I told her if by a year nothing happened, I would advise myself. It’s not a threat but something I’ve been thinking about. Intimacy is not only for the sake of intimacy. A woman should love you enough to want to place you between her breasts. She should be so crazy about you she doesn’t mind you seeing her naked because that’s what it means to be crazy. When there’s love, sex happens naturally because it’s proof of love. In the absence of all that, you’ve lost the root of the relationship; a little wind could just blow it away.

The irony. She got it tied so we don’t accidentally have the fifth, but now, she won’t let us do what could have brought the fifth. I have a lot to be frustrated about in life, but look at what’s giving me headache. Hmmm.

—Addo

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