I lived with my sister and her husband during the initial stages of their marriage. My brother-in-law and I struck up a friendly bond. When he was hungry, I was the one he turned to. When he needed something done, I was the one he asked. I took care of everything in the house while my sister focused on loving him and building their marriage.
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I lived with them for three years before leaving for school. While I was away, I called home often, and whenever I spoke to my sister, I would ask to speak to her husband, and she would hand the phone to him. To be honest, the relationship I had with her husband was free-flowing. We could laugh about anything and talk about ordinary things in a humorous way.
We would spend several minutes on the phone discussing what had been happening at home while I was away. He would tell me he missed my cooking, teasing me about the days I made less-than-perfect meals. He would ask about my boyfriend, even though I didn’t have one, and advise me to be careful with the men I interacted with. It was all normal until one day, when I asked about him, my sister said he wasn’t there. From that day on, whenever I asked about her husband, her responses were vague, so I decided to call him myself.
As usual, he was happy to hear from me, and we had our usual fun conversation. I mentioned that my sister had said he wasn’t around the times I had asked about him. He sighed and went silent for a few seconds before telling me he had been around. Though his response seemed suspicious, I didn’t press further. Days later, my mom called and said, “Stop talking to Agyeiwaa’s husband. He’s not your husband, and he’s not your friend. Stop talking to him as if you were the one he married.”
I was stunned. I asked what the problem was, and she said there was no problem but that she was advising me. I’m old enough to know that advice doesn’t come out of nowhere. I pressed for an explanation until my dad took the phone and told me, “Your sister has a problem with it. She says it makes her uncomfortable, so we thought we should talk to you. That’s the truth.”
When they hung up, I called my sister. There had to be something wrong for her to say that, and I wanted to hear it from her directly. At first, she denied ever telling my parents what they had relayed to me, but she eventually said, “I don’t want other people to think badly about your relationship with my husband. You know how people can talk.”
I was blunt with her. “It’s not about other people because there has never been a third party involved in our interactions. It’s just the three of us in the house. What do other people have to do with it?” She repeated the same thing in different words: “Stay away from my husband. I don’t like it.”
She’s my elder sister, the one I’ve spent the best years of my life with. I lived with her and went to school. When she started dating her husband, I was there. I remember the times he bribed me to take my sister out and the times they brought me food after their outings. He even contributed to celebrating my birthday. He was like a brother to me even before they got married.
After that conversation, we both felt bitter and hung up without reaching any agreement. Later, my dad called and asked me to be patient. My mom seemed to side with my sister, but it didn’t bother me. It was a simple request, so I decided to heed their advice.
I didn’t see or speak to my sister again until my mom told me she had delivered their first child. I went home to visit my parents and went to the hospital with them. While there, the atmosphere was tense. Her husband came over, but as soon as he saw me, he seemed uneasy and kept his distance. Even when I greeted him, he only nodded. My sister couldn’t look me in the eye, even as I smiled and tried to play with the baby.
On the way home with my mom, I asked if there was more to the situation than just my playful relationship with her husband. I wanted to know because it felt deeper than I had initially thought. My mom confessed, and since that confession, I’ve never exchanged a word with my sister. Surprisingly, it seems my mom and dad want it this way—that the two of us don’t talk.
According to my mom, my sister had told her that her husband had been mentioning my name after I left, comparing her cooking to mine and always saying my meals were better. Additionally, her husband had been pressuring her to visit me on campus because he missed me. All of this weighed on her until one day, during an intimate moment, her husband mentioned my name.
They argued about it until the issue reached my parents. My sister made her husband swear with an egg and schnapps that he had never done anything inappropriate with me. She only reconciled with him after he took the oath.
All of this happened while I was at school, living my life innocently. I don’t know why her husband mentioned my name at that moment, but it was likely a slip of the tongue. My sister should have spoken to me about it and heard my side of the story.
When my mom told me the whole truth, I waited for the right time to talk to my sister in the spirit of reconciliation. Yes, I accused her of handling the situation poorly, and that triggered her. “Do you think I didn’t know you were eyeing my husband?” she screamed. “I wouldn’t blame him much if he slept with you. You were the one asking for it.”
I knew she hated me with all her heart that day. All I had done was help them. While she slept, I woke up at dawn to clean their house and prepare their meals. I washed everything, including her panties and her husband’s boxers. I served her husband his meals while she was busy watching TikTok and creating content no one watched.
I forgave her but swore in my heart never to speak to her again, and that’s how it’s been since that confrontation. I’m out of school now and working on my own business. Whenever I see her, it feels like a clash of the titans. She won’t even let me touch her kids, and her husband acts jumpy around me.
I Never Paid Fees Again Until I Completed School
Whatever thoughts are going through her head when she sees me, I don’t know, but I pray she lets them go because I know they’re not good. God knows I never fancied her husband for a second. Everything I did came from a place of love, and her husband appreciated my efforts. I walk with a clear conscience every day because I’m not guilty. If she thinks I’m no longer her sister because of her husband, that’s fine. We’ll see how life unfolds.
—Angela
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To be honest,u crossed so many boundaries. Asking your sister to pass the phone to her husband and even going ahead to call him when she tried to create a boundary wasn’t really necessary! I honestly understand your sister somehow,you were too close to her husband in a very uncomfortable way. That’s a mistake u have failed to see. Your sis and parents actually handled the issue well. The anger u feel towards your sis is because she is actually right. You had eyes for her husband without knowing it!
It was wrong for her to let you do everything for her husband,she realised tgat and changed and tried to put some boundaries to mark her territory but u r too self righteous to see that!
I totally agree. Even if you didn’t eye him romantically you created the impression you did hence the man fell for you but because of the respect he had for his wife and himself he didn’t act on it. If he screamed your name whiles in bed with your sister proves that he was imagining the sex with you and wished it was with you. If the table was turned I believe you would have done worse . Please apologise to your sister don’t allow pride and anger to destroy you guys .The man has done nothing wrong but you and your sister are at fault here especially you even though it was a good intention . Your parent will be gone one day and it will be left with your sister to stand in for you during marriage, Be witness for you ,attest for and when someone speaks ill of you. You don’t see the huge destruction now by the time you do it will be too late. I pray you do the right thing and learn from it . Boundaries are really important in life.In short it’s not the man who came between you but the neglect of your sister’s wisely duties and you not knowing your boundaries and even after knowing where you went wrong now without apologising is the problem. The main contributing factor Is pride .Sometimes one must play a fool to bring about peace even though others will call you one because you know what you need you won’t give a damn about them.
The man isn’t “faultless” in all of these. How could he have taken things as far as calling his SIL name instead of his wife’s when they were making love? That didn’t come from nowhere. It came from the fullness of his thoughts. In his head, he had slept with his wife’s sister, and that was wrong
Contrition! After i first read your article, I went back to read again, and the word, ‘apology’ was no where to be found. What offends you may not offend someone else, and vice-versa. You may not be attracted to your brother-in-law, but your sister, not you, says she is not comfortable with your interactions with him. Accept and respect that. We are different people. What you need to do, is to go through your parents and apologize unreservedly to your sister. It is not an admission of guilt, but attempt at reconciliation. Because, this situation cannot persist. Blood is thicker than water. She’ll accept the apology in good faith.
Instead of getting angry why don’t you make amends with your sister. It’ll be a testament to the clear conscience you said you have. If your sister asked you to stop talking to her husband you just have to comply. The “closeness” with her husband will one day breed trouble if care is not taken. You may not have bad intentions but your familiarity with him can create problems in your sister’s marriage. Limit communication with him and maintain proper boundaries with him.
Is your fault never ask her to give him phone cause she might think negative
I’ve realized that so many people don’t have boundaries. It doesn’t make them bad people, just people who never learned when and how not to cross a line. This is one of such situations. It’s an unspoken agreement, you need to respect their marriage and try not to insert yourself into it too much. Imagine if you were their maid, and acting all familiar with the man of the man. Yes you are her sister, but in this situation, you are just a little more than the maid. It’s just the harsh reality.
But it’s not you I blame, it’s the man. He’s the married one. He’s the one who should learn how to set health boundaries with women. If he acts this way with people outside he will definitely put himself in a position to cheat. He is an irresponsible man, and I’m surprised you didn’t pick up on that.
Forgive your sister, make peace with her. So that when you get married, you will not feel the same peace she felt.
I agree that she could have handled it better, but a hurt and bitter heart does not know reason.
It is well!
God willing one day on God’s green earth when you will be married and dearly love your husband you will understand what jealousy and desire for your husband means when you see another woman familiarizing with your husband in ways acceptable to married couples alone. Just like majority have said seek to reconcile with your sister; failure to forgive is sin before our LORD. It’s not that you’re a bad person, not in anyway but peace is vital in this short life.
Just apologize to your sister, you moved over passed your boundaries, when you get married, You will see it once you get married
If you have one particular person you speak to morning, after the and evening, weekdays and weekends, it is like to happen to you too. It has happened to me before. Where I was mentioning one person’s name all the time. It happens and I believe the lady
Please don’t apologise your sister. Honestly speaking, she’s not worth it. If your brother in law crossed boundaries in his mind, that’s not your fault. All you did was help your sister with her house chores while she lazed around. The truth is that she already started resenting you when her husband was comparing her to you. She used the opportunity of his slip of tongue during sex to show the ugly side of her nature. She could have handled the situation better instead of behaving like you were trying to steal her husband from her. I understand your pain, you are the only completely innocent person in all of this. You are being castigated for trying your best to help your sister and her husband. Just realise that every relationship is not worth preserving. Your sister has already shown you how much the relationship is worth to her. Also Freudian slips occur all the time. Just because your BIL screamed out your name during sex doesn’t mean that he was fantasising about you. If your sister is being honest, it was probably not the first time that he had referred to her by your name by mistake. She was just jealous and probably feeling inadequate. I feel bad for your BIL, he’s probably just embarrassed by the incident and he’s trying hard not to give your sister any more material for her paranoia to feed on.
A mature person would have handled matters differently. After he swore on the eggs and the schnapps, all she needed to do was tell him to tone down his relationship with you. She didn’t need to tell either you or your parents. She would have kept her relationship with you, everyone would have been happy and she would have achieved her goal.
Why on earth will you devote your domestic duties to your little sister? Making her cook for your husband, wash your underwear and his, etc.? Your sister started all this. However, this is a life lesson for you, never do too much for someone’s significant other. Men also love to be pampered and taken care of. So doing his laundry, cooking his meals, etc will let a man develop feelings for you. He had begun imagining you romantically, hence the reason the situation happened in the moment with your sister. I understand your point of innocence, but sometimes you could be doing wrong even with pure intentions. Apologize for starting what you didn’t know was wrong and leave it there
I agree with you up to the apology. Why? If you play TikTok while your younger sister slaves away and attend to your husband, what do you expect? And you have the nerve to flare up and blame your sister? Koningo Kaya! This is how most women lose their husband’s. She is lucky her husband and sister are disciplined. A lot of men get involved with their maid servants because madam feels too high and mighty to be attend to them. That is not to justify adultery but I hope our sisters on the platform are taking a cue.
You were wrong in soo many ways…
Let your parent sit all of you down and apologise for crossing such boundaries even though you never fancied her husband.
She has the right to act that way
Sometime ago , a guy proposed to me and I declined. He did everything he could but he’s not what I want , I later left home for a short program about a year. In 2 months time the guy called to tell me he’s in a relationship with my kid sis and as at now, they’re engaged.
I put a stop to his actions and friendly nature towards me and he didn’t accept it
I don’t care , I spoke my mind but my sis not knowing what has transpired between the guy and I has no respect for me
I don’t envy or regret because I know what I want , I stopped picking his calls and I don’t interfere in whatever they do
I can’t tell if I’ll attend to their wedding or not cause am not bothered at all, I live like they don’t exist and I’m fine with my life knowing what I want