We were both in a queue at the hospital when he took my number. I remember asking him if he was truly sick because sick people don’t take numbers from women. He laughed and told me it was an opportunity to get to know me, and he wouldn’t let it pass. A few weeks after talking and going on several dates, I agreed to be his girlfriend.

We dated for three years, and within these three years, Samson showed me everything: love, care, abuse, tenderness, infidelity, abandonment—everything. He left me twice, but each time, we found a way to come back together. It says only one thing: that I loved him deeply enough to overlook all these things.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX

I’m not someone who forgives easily. In my past relationships, I’ve walked away at the slightest provocation, but here I am, tolerating everything in a place where love was supposed to be served.

During our last breakup, which lasted for a month, I met a new man. He gave me a lift and took my number. I was in a bad place and was willing to talk to anyone who could help me forget the pain, and this new man was doing just that. He would pick me up after work and take me home. On weekends, he would take me out to have fun and bring me back.

Because of his age, I thought he was married and was looking for a girl to pass the time with, which I didn’t mind. My heart was burning. I rushed toward anything that looked like water and poured it on my burning heart. Along the way, he proposed. I asked if he wasn’t married, and this man put a finger on the floor, licked it, and pointed it to the heavens, swearing that he was single. I asked, “At your age? What’s keeping you from marriage?”

He’s eleven years older than I am. He shared his own heartbreak stories with me: the lady he dated for four years, whom he caught cheating just when he was thinking about marriage, and another lady he helped to travel abroad, only for her to fall for his friend through the same travel arrangement he facilitated.

By the end of the night, I had said yes to him, and we shared our first kiss. There’s nothing this man wouldn’t do for me. Within a week, I had met his father, who was so happy to meet me. His mom had died years ago, but I also met his aunt. She looked at me the way people look at things they adore. “You’re beautiful,” she exclaimed. “This is your house. Stay with us.”

I thought everything was moving too fast. While I was enjoying it, there was something I couldn’t forget: Samson. I kept asking myself, “When is he going to call me so we can start again?” “Is it truly the end this time?”

I was always thinking of him because, honestly, my love, my being, my thoughts, and everything were surrendered to him. I was on a date with my older man when Samson called. Suddenly, I was shaking. I excused myself and picked up the call. He asked me, “Where are you?” in that tone of voice that made it feel like he owned me. I lied about my location. He told me, “I’m at your place. I thought you were home. I came to see you.”

There was a calm I felt when he said that—something I hadn’t felt in a long time. I told him, “Please don’t go. I should be home in the next thirty minutes.”

I rushed back to tell my older man that I had to go home because a relative had come to see me unexpectedly. This man would do anything and feel my feelings for me. He left his drink and quickly rushed to the car. In fifteen minutes, I was home, hugging Samson.

It felt old but new. It was something I was used to, yet it also felt like I was experiencing it for the first time. He was toxic, but he was my own kind of toxic, and that was fine. He came back to me because he had missed me. He spent the night, and we had the best moment of our lives, but the complication I had created was staring into my soul.

I had Samson, and I also had an older man who would burn the world at his feet just to keep me warm. I knew Samson wasn’t good for me, but I also knew the older man was too good for me. If I had to choose one, I would have chosen Samson, but because I didn’t want to let the older man go, I kept him around.

Samson kept being Samson. He wouldn’t give me the good things without adding the bad. He could disappear for days and return without an apology. He could come to my place smelling like another woman but still deny cheating on me. He would give me nothing and still take the little I had or the things the older man gave me. My spirit whispered in my soul, “Let him go. He’s not worth it.” But my heart said, “Don’t make that mistake. He keeps coming back to you. That means you’re the one among the lot he has chosen.”

I had dated Samson for three years, but he never mentioned marriage. The older man, however, started talking about marriage when our relationship was only three months old. I couldn’t take him to meet my parents because they knew about Samson. I kept lying to him until one day he asked me, “Or is there someone else in your life?” I lied, but all day, I felt terrible for him.

His kind of heart deserved someone better than me, but he was there, loving the wrong version of me. I didn’t want to say yes to marriage while Samson was lurking in the shadows, but the older man kept pushing the marriage agenda. One day, I jokingly said to Samson, “I’ve met a man from my hometown. He wants to marry me as soon as possible.”

READ ALSO: I Want To Leave My Conjugal Duties For His Side Chicks To Take Over

He asked me, “Does he have money to pay me off? If not, I will worry him so much that even if you marry him, I will still be with you on the side.” And then he burst out laughing. I said, “I’m serious.” He replied, “If you want to, then go ahead, because, as you can see, I’m not ready to marry now.”

Samson is thirty. I am twenty-seven. We are both working and earning. He should be ready, but he gave me that excuse, and I clung to it. I said, “So be it. I will give him a chance.” He only shrugged. He even started asking me about the older man. “Can I come around, or is your older man around?” Some days, I would tell him, “Yes, he’s coming around,” and he would say, “Let me know when he comes and goes.”

I Left Him Because He Didn’t Help In The Kitchen

One day, everything I had felt for him just disappeared. His calls made me angry. His voice triggered me. He was the last person I wanted to see. So I told him never to come near me again, and he hasn’t. I’m still with the older man. He still wants to marry me. I’m now single and want to say yes, but I’m scared. What if I haven’t gotten over Samson completely?

I want to give myself time to be sure, but my older man wants to get married as soon as possible. The more I keep him waiting, the more anxious and suspicious he becomes. I feel I have to do right by him this time, but there’s no time to think this through. What do you suggest I do? Marry him and deal with whatever comes as we go on?

—Ivy

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at submissions@silentbeads.com. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB