I am not proud to admit this but I have gotten to a point in my life where I am beginning to feel ashamed of my family. I know it’s not a pleasant thing to say about one’s family but can you blame me? I have been doing my best to put up with their embarrassing behaviours for a year now. But I don’t know how long I can take it anymore.

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The person causing the majority of the problems is my mother. I am not trying to be disrespectful but this woman has a basket mouth. Because of her, I don’t have secrets or anything private. She is nosy so she digs until she finds things out. The moment she gets to know, everyone else will know. Even people who have no place in my life know my business because of her.

When I brought my boyfriend home, she liked him instantly. Especially when she got to know that he has a good job and is financially stable. All of a sudden she wanted to be friends with him so she could ask him for stuff.

Like joke like Joke, she went into my phone and took his number. Then she called him and asked for money. When I found out I was so ashamed. I wanted to disappear from the face of this earth. Why would a mother embarrass herself like this?

When I asked her she denied it. “I didn’t do anything of the sort. He must have me confused with someone else.” I knew she just didn’t want to own up to her actions. You should see her when I told her I had proof. She promised to unalive herself.

This has become a pattern. She would call my boyfriend and ask for money, then deny it and threaten to hurt herself when confronted with the truth.

I have been trying to get a job since I completed school but it’s been hard. My mother doesn’t care about that aspect of my life. All she talks about is, “When are you getting married?” She won’t give me space breathing about the whole marriage thing. It’s as if when she keeps quiet for a while, I will forget that an institution called marriage exists.

My plan B for when I don’t get a job is to travel abroad. My boyfriend is the one sponsoring the travel process so we’ve been keeping it quiet.

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Somehow my mother found out about this travel plan. Now, she is going about telling people. She has gone as far as sharing the news with my boyfriend’s mother. How will his family be happy with me, knowing fully well that their son is spending this much money on me?

I have felt immense shame since I found out she told them. I wanted to get a job and start earning my own money. That way they won’t think I am depending on their son. Rather, they will see me as someone who is building a future with him. Now that they know the truth, how will they respect me?

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I believe my mother is behaving the way she is because she wants to put me in a position where my boyfriend’s family will look down on me. Why else would she tell them I am jinxed? Are they supposed to accept and embrace me after my mother has said this?

After everything that has happened, I am beginning to detach from my boyfriend so that I can slowly end the relationship. I feel like he knows too much about my family. He is cool now but he is a human being. Anything can happen and he would end up using this against me in future.

Am I doing the right thing here?

—Cara

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