I’m a divorcee with two children. It took me a long time to get past my divorce and try to find love again. As someone who had already experienced marriage, I was skeptical when I first entered the dating pool. I wasn’t desperate or in a hurry to remarry. I took my sure time getting to know the people I met. If I saw something that rang alarm bells in my ears, I ran as far as my legs could carry me.
I did this until I met P.K. His energy was different. He felt like a home I didn’t even know I was looking for. I am not going to lie, all my uncertainties and doubts about falling in love again quieted when he proposed to me. “I am not here to waste your time with years of relationship. I want to marry you. So if you think I will make a good husband for you, then give me a chance, and let’s start something beautiful.” He spoke my language.
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I didn’t want to date for dating’s sake. I wanted to be with someone who understood that relationships are not a playground. He told me he had a son from a previous relationship. “As for marriage, I haven’t tasted it yet. I am hoping you will be my first and only wife.” It was as if he knew all the right things to say to make my heart melt. I wanted everything he offered. How could I not say yes?
In 2022 I suggested, “Since the goal for this relationship is marriage, then I have to introduce you to my parents while we are still in the early stages. If they approve of you then we are good.” He didn’t object. In fact, he was eager to meet them.
We fixed a date and traveled to my hometown to meet my family. The reception was good. Everyone who met him liked him, especially my parents. They were much taken with him. That day we took the marriage list and assured my family we would return for the marriage rites in no time.
We were making our preparations toward marriage when I started feeling unwell. It was pregnancy. It should have given me a reason to celebrate but I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that could go wrong. I didn’t want to have a baby when I didn’t feel ready. So I made the decision to get rid of it.
When P.K. found out about the pregnancy, he was pleased. He assumed I would keep it. When I told him about my decision, “he begged me not to go through with it.” I didn’t want to listen so he brought his mother to talk to me. In the end, they convinced me to reconsider my decision. They brought their family to meet mine to announce the pregnancy officially.
Everything seemed to be going smoothly until I was eight months along. I posted a picture of him on WhatsApp, and a friend asked if I knew him well. When I said yes she asked, “Does that mean you know he is married?” Huh? I honestly didn’t believe her at first. This man spent all his time with me. All the times I visited him, there were no signs of another woman in his house. We did everything together. Even things a married man wouldn’t do publicly with anyone. So how could he be married?
When I confronted him, he denied it. I almost believed him until he came back later to tell me, “For a while, I was married to my son’s mother. But she cheated on me so we are divorced now.” I was devastated. If he was divorced then why did he lie that he had never been married? What else could he lie about? The trust was broken.
I remember asking him, “Show me proof of your divorce.” He shook his head and said, “If my word doesn’t mean anything to you anymore, then what are we doing?” He said he would only show me the evidence of his divorce in front of our marriage counselor.
I was not pleased with his response but I tried not to let it get to me. I focused on taking care of my pregnancy. And thankfully, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in 2023. She brought so much joy to our lives.
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However, during her naming ceremony, one of P.K.’s cousins passed a comment to my aunt’s hearing. He said, “Why would they allow such a beautiful woman to become a second wife?” Confused, my aunt asked for more details after the ceremony.
It turned out that P.K. was never divorced. He was still married to the woman he claimed was only the mother of his child. When I found out, I was heartbroken and angry. I was too hurt to be with him. I had to end the relationship so I would focus on raising my children.
You would think that after everything he had done, he would let me be but no. He came to me every day, crying and begging for another chance. When I wouldn’t take him back, he said; “I can’t imagine my life without you. I will end my life if you don’t take me back.” I didn’t fall for it.
I Accepted His Proposal When I Hadn’t Met Him Physically
I was moving on with my life until November last year when I discovered from a funeral flyer that he had another son he never told me about. And he was still recognized as part of his wife’s family. Since then, I’ve been feeling bitter. It’s so bad that it has affected every part of my life, including my ability to parent.
I am here asking myself, are some men born liars? How could someone who prays in tongues and goes to church regularly deceive me like this? What did I do wrong? Was it a crime to love again after my divorce? I am trying to make sense of it all but I don’t understand why a man would behave like this.
— Lilian
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