I am not going to sit here and pretend I was the victim in all this when I know very well that I am the villain in the story. I am the cause of all the pain and misery I am feeling. The sad part is that I didn’t only hurt myself. I hurt him too.

He hasn’t shown interest in getting back with me ever since the breakup. So I know I have lost him. My head understands that we have to move on but my heart doesn’t want to listen.

The relationship was eight months old when it ended. It doesn’t seem like a long period but it sure felt like it. He was my world. He also made sure I never doubted my place in his life. We were happy, that I can’t deny.

Sometimes I would sit down and think about how lucky I was to have such a good man. “If only he had a job, then everything would be perfect,” I would think. That was our only problem, money.

I loved him but the fact that he didn’t have a job made things hard. I ended up cheating on him as a result. I regretted it immediately it happened. That’s not who I am. I don’t even know what got into me to do it in the first place.

I tried to forgive myself and move on but I couldn’t bear the guilt. It weighed too heavily on my conscience. I felt the only way I would feel better was if I decided not to get involved in any sexual act before marriage.

Because of my resolution, I started avoiding his touch. I thought I was being subtle but he knew me too well to know that something was wrong. He asked questions. I told him I was fine.

However, just as I am terrible at cheating, I can’t tell a decent lie to save my life. Hiding what I did from him made me feel so sick. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I came clean. “After what I did, I can’t look you in the eyes anymore. I am too ashamed of myself to do that. So I think it’s best we end things.”

Maybe subconsciously, I hoped he would forgive me and say a breakup was unnecessary. I am a human who did a human thing, you know. Well, it didn’t happen that way. He didn’t forgive me.

And I don’t blame him one bit. I did this. I was the one who took something beautiful and turned it into this broken relationship, all because of another man. A man I didn’t even want to keep. I am pained but what’s done is done. I have learned my lessons.

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My problem now is that I’m still as heartbroken as I was the day we broke up. It’s been a month and a half already. I expected to be fine at this point but the ache in my heart lingers.

When I think of the beautiful memories we shared, I break down in tears. When I also remember how hurt he felt, it makes me sad and I cry too. Every little thing triggers me and brings me to tears. Sometimes I would wonder if he thinks of me. I am sure he has moved on by now.

We Dated For Four Years Before I Discovered He Was A Married Man


I need advice on how I can also move on. I have decided that I need to work through some stuff before I consider love again. Until then, I want to stop hurting. I just feel hopeless. I don’t think I will ever meet a man like him again. He is such a pure soul.

Sometimes I want to pray about it but I feel God won’t listen to me. How do I move on?

— Brie

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