I am a divorcee with two children. My oldest is eleven while the younger one is eight. I was the one who filed for the divorce. I felt too choked in the marriage so I chose my freedom.

I was crazy about him when we got married. I never imagined I would leave him. Even when I caught him cheating on me a few months into the marriage I didn’t walk away. Rather, I sat down with him and we had a conversation about it. He was remorseful. He swore he would change.

I gave him another chance hanging on to the hope that things would get better. It did not.

He didn’t have a job when we first got married. I was the one paying all the bills while praying for him and encouraging him to keep pushing. One year after marriage, he got a job in another town and moved there.

I remember one time when I visited him over there. He introduced me to one of his colleagues. The guy looked at me, smiled and said; “If you are his wife then you should be visiting him unannounced.” He was too direct for me to take his words seriously. So I laughed.

It didn’t cross my mind to visit him unannounced so I just laughed it off and continued announcing the days I would visit. He lived alone but I would see two sponges and two towels. All the times I asked who they belonged to, he said they were his.

All this while, he had started earning good money from his job but he never paid any bills in the marriage. When I complained he told me; “You know I am in school and I am the one supporting myself.” I felt someway about the whole thing but I let him be.

When our second child was a year old, I told him I wanted to visit but he gave me flimsy excuses. He either told me, “Oh don’t come. My gas is finished,” or “I am busy this weekend. I have to attend my friend’s wedding.”

It was at this point that I remembered what his colleague told me. I decided to do it. I took the kids one early morning and embarked on the journey. By then our firstborn was six.

Due to the distance, we got there by nightfall. We stood outside knocking for almost fifteen minutes. When he finally let us in, we met a lady in his room. She had served him dinner. My husband sat in front of us and ate the lady’s food while we watched.

When the lady was leaving, he followed her out and left us the house. That was one of the worst days of my life. He was never remorseful about the whole incident. His only reaction was; “You will see more of this if come here unannounced again.” That was the beginning of our end.

He continued to shirk his responsibilities until I sent him to court. I didn’t want things to go that far but he owed me lots of money. Apart from child support, he also took loans from me and never paid it back.

In the end, he was asked to pay those loans with interest. They asked him to pay the children’s school fees and medical bills as well. He only pays the upkeep money and ignores the rest.

As I type this, it’s been over two years since the divorce was finalised. He doesn’t even call to speak to the children. He has a child with another lady but that isn’t my concern. I am just hurt that he acts as if our kids don’t need his presence. I cry for them in my closet because I feel I have disappointed them by not giving them a good father.

I try to provide all their needs but I am worried about them. I always pray for long life and good health so I can be there for them till they are old enough to go through this world without a mother.

I was not a bad wife to him but I believe myself wrong by accepting a jobless crime was to accept a jobless womanizer and an ungrateful man as a husband.

It’s my hope that the next time love finds me, it will be in the arms of a kind man. One who would genuinely love and care for me and my kids. Lord knows that the world is sometimes unfair to hardworking women.

– Aba