I don’t know why she kept that video on her phone. It happened during the Covid. She spent the lockdown with the guy she was dating. According to her, they recorded the video out of boredom. The first time I saw it, I was triggered. It was too raw and explicit. You’ll love to watch it only if the woman in the video isn’t your girlfriend.

But my heart broke because I’m dating the woman whose knee was on the floor in the video while a man was behind her digging for pleasure.

She apologized the first time I saw it. She said it was in her old gallery and got exported to her new phone. I told her, “If he belongs to your past then make everything about him your past.”

I thought she’d deleted the video until days ago, I saw it on her laptop. She deleted it from her phone but left it on her laptop. I was livid and for the first time in our relationship, I threatened to beat her. She fought back. When I screamed, she screamed back.

“Stop going through my things if you don’t want to see a ghost.” She screamed.

“You call this a ghost?” I asked. “This won’t die even if you bury it alive. Why can’t you let it go?”

“It’s my past. It shouldn’t bother you. If it does then you’re the problem.”

Later when passion decimated, we both sat down and had a conversation. She deleted the video and apologized but I feel the apology came too late. This is not the kind of video a boyfriend should see twice. Once is enough to shake the foundation of the strongest relationship.

Emotionally, I’ve chickened out of the relationship. She doesn’t appeal to me the way she used to and from the look of things, she will always go back to the guy when the chance presents itself. The guy travelled abroad after Covid. It’s the reason they broke up. The distance. They couldn’t get over it.

We are not bothered by any distance but I don’t think I can travel the distance knowing what I know and seeing what I’ve seen.

— Bishop

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