I’m married with three beautiful kids. After I gave birth to the second child I went back to school to further my studies. While I was on campus my husband suggested, “Why don’t we let my mum live with us? She will help me take care of the kids.” I was left with only two semesters to complete my degree but I agreed to his request.  

At the beginning of the last semester, he called me while I  was on campus and said, “I think I want my mother to live with us permanently. Even when you complete school, her presence here will still be helpful to us.” I didn’t like that suggestion. Knowing someone from a safe distance is one thing. But living with them is another thing altogether. 

Nonetheless, I sensed my husband wasn’t asking for me to help him decide. He was only communicating his decision with me. So I didn’t object outright. I only told him, “I will agree to what you are suggesting only if your mother won’t cause problems in our marriage.” He assured me she wouldn’t.

When the last semester was over and I returned home, she mentioned some items to me. These stuff were hidden in my bag. Even my husband didn’t know I had them, let alone where I hid them. So I was surprised she knew about them. They were two in number, belonging to my kids. I quickly went to my bag to check, only to find that one was gone. 

I didn’t go to her directly. I took my irritation to her son. “How did your mother know where I hid my stuff?” There and then, he took her side and started defending his mother. He said I had accused her wrongly. 

So the next time I was in the same room with my husband and his mother, I asked the woman; “How did you find those items?” She told me; “I went through your bag and found it.” That was all I needed her son to hear; that she invaded my privacy. Could you believe when I left home that day, this woman told my husband that my question confused her? She said she didn’t understand what I meant. That was why she said she went through my bag, but she didn’t. Because of this, my husband got angry and didn’t talk to me for days.  

We live in a three-bedroom house. There is a bathroom attached to the master bedroom. The two other rooms share a bathroom. The kids sleep in one room while my mother-in-law sleeps in the other. She is supposed to share a bathroom with the kids but she chose to use ours. Even in the middle of the night, this woman would open our bedroom door without knocking, so she could use our bathroom. 

She did this every single day, from 12 AM to 3 AM. Every time she came, my husband and I would wake up and look at the time. Although it bothered me, I didn’t say anything. I expected her son to handle it. When he didn’t do it, I told him I didn’t like his mother’s midnight bathroom ritual. He said he would talk to her. I don’t know if he did but she didn’t stop.

I resorted to something dramatic. I bought a padlock and locked the bathroom at night. The first night she tried and couldn’t get in, sealed the deal. She stopped coming to our room after that night. 

It’s difficult to get my husband to see that his mother’s presence in our home is not good for our marriage. She behaves sweetly when she is with him, but acts beastly when I am the only one with her. 

Sometimes too, I think he is blinded by his love for her. I remember when I gave birth to my last born and went to live with my mother. My kids came to visit me one day and I saw that my firstborn had a burn on his face. What happened? “Grandma threw banku at me.” They said she was cooking while the kids kept saying they were hungry and sleepy so she should feed them. That got her angry enough to throw hot banku at her own grandchild. 

READ ALSO: I Am Finding Out After Nine Years That I Don’t Know My Boyfriend At All

My husband didn’t tell me when it happened. When I found out and asked him about it, he defended his mother. I was still healing from my C.S. wounds but I packed my bags and returned home to take care of my kids. 

All we do these days is fight. Meanwhile, we were not like this before his mother moved in. We were very happy back then but now everything is a mess. 

Men Don’t Like It When Women Do The Paying

As if she hasn’t caused enough problems, she has gone to bring her daughter to live with us. Her daughter also came along with her four children. It’s inconveniencing us but my husband doesn’t seem to care. Apart from that, my mother-in-law curses me at the slightest provocation these days. Her son doesn’t see anything wrong with that one too. One time during a fight, he even told me; “I have asked my mother to curse you. So let’s wait and see if she won’t die.”

This is how much his mother influences him. She has given so much room that she is acting like she’s the wife and the house owner. She gets closer to him when we fight. She cooks for him and converses with him till they are both sleepy. I heard she tried that with one of her sons but his wife sacked her. Is that what I should do too? It seems drastic but I am beginning to feel unwelcome in my own home. I need your advice. How do I stop this madness before I lose my mind? I keep losing weight because of all her drama.

—Delah

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB