When I met him, he was dating other girls. I didn’t have a problem with it at the time. I had just gotten out of a relationship and was not ready yet for another emotional commitment. Maybe that was why it seemed like a good idea when I consented to sleeping with him. It was supposed to be a fling. Just sex and fun.  

In my quest for temporary gratification, I did not pause to consider the number of things that could go wrong with an arrangement like ours. I mean, how do you sleep with your boss and not expect things to get messy at work? 

Here is the thing, I tolerated the presence of his other women two years ago because I had no expectations of the relationship. I believe I still would have been okay with our initial arrangement if he hadn’t changed things. Although I fell in love with him along the line, I kept my feelings in check until he started talking about love. 

I didn’t want to get my hopes up but he was persistent. He knew I knew about the other girls but he told me; “It’s you I love. The others don’t mean as much to me as you do. I have no plans of settling down with them, only you.” My heart was already his at this point. So I held on to his assurances and gave him time to let the others go.

Eventually, he broke up with them. That’s what he told me. I was relieved to hear this. Only for me to find out that he is still in constant communication with these supposed exes. Why does anyone need to talk to their ex regularly? All the relief I felt when I believed he was done with them vanished from my system.  

The knowledge that my partner was still talking to his exes had me feeling quite insecure in the relationship. When I communicated my feelings to Mark, I expected to see some changes but he remained the same. The more he acted nonchalant the worse I felt. I became so possessive that I started blocking the numbers of the other girls on his phone. He didn’t mind that I did. After all, every time I blocked them he unblocked them. 

Every time I read his chat with the girls, I felt terrible. He said things to them that he didn’t say to me. He spent hours talking to them, while I got minutes of his time. “I miss you,” he’d say to them. Those words never left his lips to my ears. I became a spectator in my own relationship. I was on the outside, watching my man show other women so much love and affection. The kind he never showed me. 

I complained bitterly. I cried. I wept. In fact, I even became suicidal. I suppose that’s what happens when an empath gives all of her heart to a man who has no need for it. 

I didn’t ask him for much. Only that he should be honest about the nature of his relationship with these ladies. For instance, if he told me; “I am still dating them,” I would simply adjust my expectations and find a way to tolerate their presence. Honestly, it seemed like a better option than listening to him tell me things that didn’t align with his actions. The painful part is the way he always reacted when I tried to point out the inconsistencies in his actions to him. This guy would shout at me and tell me to find a way around it. 

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To cut a long story short, he got tired of my complaints and asked me to move on. “I fell in love with you because you knew about the other girls but you didn’t mind. You were comfortable sharing me with them. But now you’ve changed. All you do is complain. I can’t be with someone who won’t give me peace of mind.” That’s how easy it was for him to let me go. 

I’m here trying to move on but it’s a struggle. I keep thinking about him and missing him. I have resorted to drinking heavily to help me cope. I don’t know what else to do with all this unfinished love. All I wanted was love and attention but it seems I asked for too much. 

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While I am utterly broken, he is dating two of his exes. If he had been honest with me about them I wouldn’t have complained. I would have just accepted them as part of the relationship. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen that way.

Working with him hasn’t been easy. When I stay home too, all I do is cry. I’m depressed and devastated. As I type this, I don’t feel like being alive. I don’t understand why I can’t seem to get a man to commit to me. I always give my all in every relationship but they dump me in the end.

—Lily

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