We started having money problems right from the dawn of our relationship. We were both in high school at the time. Neither of us had jobs. Our families were responsible for our upkeep so I had no expectations of him except the occasional show of generosity couples express toward each other in a relationship. In my case, it was call credit.
Although we were in school, other girls demanded stuff from their boyfriends. I never did that to him. Because of this, I felt he should be ready to show up for me when I asked him to buy me airtime. Sometimes I would only ask for GHC5 airtime but it would take him two days to send it to me. This annoyed me so much. There were even times when I got angry and disrespected him.
When we got to tertiary school, we were growing so he changed a little. On his own, he wouldn’t give. He wasn’t the kind of guy who would see something nice and say, “Let me buy this for my girlfriend.” I would have to ask him for something before he would give it to me. And I didn’t ask for much. It was mostly airtime.
He was still not working at the time. That didn’t stop him from using his money to buy expensive sneakers and perfumes. I always advised him, “If you get money try and save it. Don’t waste it on material things.” He didn’t mind me. His rich uncle was taking care of him so he even went a step further and bought an air conditioner for his apartment.
I was not saying he shouldn’t live a comfortable life but we all know how expensive electricity is in this country. Imagine a student paying bills for an air conditioner. Nothing I said mattered to him.
I saw his behaviour as irresponsible. He also did some dumb stuff and gave me weak excuses when I found out. Out of frustration, I often disrespected him. I am filled with so much regret when I look back on those moments. I wish I hadn’t treated him that way. Especially, when I think of the fact that he never disrespected me. No matter how loud I got, he didn’t get angry. If he did, he handled it without violence or aggression.
When I got to my final year in school, I got pregnant and deferred my course. We were both not financially ready for the baby but he rose to the occasion. He took very good care of me throughout the pregnancy until it was time for delivery. That part became my mother’s responsibility. My mother paid for everything at the hospital.
His family didn’t pay for anything. Nonetheless, his mother came to me bearing gifts. She sells clothes so she brought us nice baby clothes. I was grateful for the gesture.
I thought his family would at least step up during the naming ceremony but no. My mother was still the one who paid for everything. The only thing we got from them was a GHC1,000 present from his uncle, after whom he named the baby.
On the eve of the naming ceremony, my baby daddy said he wouldn’t make it to the event. He said he was sick. I was disappointed but what could I have done? My family also couldn’t say much because the excuse he gave was sickness.
The first Mother’s Day I celebrated as a mum ended in a big fight between us. The baby was nine months old at the time. This guy decided to send us money for upkeep. This wasn’t something he did often. When he finally did it on Mother’s Day, the amount was so small that I felt disrespected. I insulted him out of anger. This time around, he also got angry and broke up with me.
After I calmed down, I went back to him and apologized for my outbursts. He forgave me and we got back together.
Now, our child is two and a half years old. Recently, I asked him for money to buy credit for electricity. This guy told me, “I don’t have money.” So I got furious and told him, “You say you don’t have money yet you live such a flashy life for outsiders to think you have money.” “What about you? Do you have money?” He asked. “Don’t ask me that stupid question,” I retorted.
Later that day, I apologized to him and he forgave me yet again. This time though he asked me, “Do you know you don’t respect?” I thought we had settled the issue but it seemed we had not. I called him in the evening to talk about the issue but he was on another call. When I asked who he was talking to, he wouldn’t tell me. I broke up with him then.
The next time we spoke was after a week, when I texted him to send me money to buy food for our son. Talking to him reminded me that we have a child between us. For that reason, I should try and work things out with him.
I decided then that I would talk to him. But before having the conversation, I went through his TikTok and a girl stood out among his followers. I checked out her profile out of curiosity. Lo and behold, this lady has been dating my baby daddy for the past year and a half. He told the girl he broke up with me two years ago.
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When I confronted him about my discovery, he asked me, “So what should I do? Are you expecting me to apologize? You went digging and you found what you were looking for.” I was hurt but I told him; “Whatever I did to cause this, I am sorry. Forgive me and break up with the girl.” He said he wouldn’t do it. “She doesn’t disrespect me like you do. Besides, when I broke up with you on Mother’s Day two years ago, I meant it.”
I have begged and begged him to reconsider his decision but he doesn’t want me back. We’ve been together for eight years now. I don’t know what to do. He is the father of my child and I still love him. Our family doesn’t know anything about the breakup yet. How do I handle it?
—Florence
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First work on yourself. He said he is done with you so please respect his wish. Two you can’t force someone to accept your advice. You can’t force your expectation on others. We all get frustrated but we don’t use it as an opportunity to disrespect people because our demands are not met. Learn to control your temper. There is nothing you can do than to move on. Respect is very important in every relationship.
Yes. I think you need to work on yourself. He said you’re disrespectful, is that true? Work on that too. Most relationships that’s on and off don’t really last long. You already found out he is dating someone else and you also found out he told her he broke up with you. What else are you looking for? Oh!! The years you spent together, you’re scared and shy or ashamed of what name people will tag you, a single mother? You’re not the first and won’t be the last. My piece of advice is for you to work on yourself, it is not everytime you’ll fuss, cuss, argue and use foul words anytime you’re angry. Respect if very important in a relationship,