I encountered some problems in my family. It has to do with my father’s side of the family. To solve those issues I had to borrow money from some people. I am a trader. So the plan was to borrow some cash quickly, resolve the situation, and then repay the loan through my business. However, I realized a little too late that I underestimated the extent of the problem.
I would pay for one thing thinking it was over but another would pop up and require to be addressed. That’s how I ended up knee-deep in debt.
Unfortunately, these loans came with interests. I have been trying to clear my debts but the interests have accumulated over time. I don’t make enough from my small buy-and-sell business to keep up.
Due to this, I am owing the people I buy from as well. Mostly, I would make a purchase on credit and pay for it after I am done with the sales. However, I am not able to keep up with that arrangement because of the loans I am still paying off.
I have a husband. He knows everything about my financial status. He knows about the loans and the people I bought stuff from on credit. Initially, I asked him to invest in my business. This was when I realized I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the interest on the loans while they accumulate.
I was so overwhelmed by the extent of my debt but I didn’t ask him to help me pay them directly. “When you invest in the business, I will expand it. I won’t also have to buy on credit before I sell. That way I will focus on paying off the loans,” I proposed to him. He said, “That’s not something I want to do.” I tried to persuade him in hopes that he would change his mind but he refused.
I have been doing my best to settle the creditors but the progress is slow. Now, they know I am married. They also know who my husband is. So sometimes when there’s a delay in payment, they call him and report me to him.
This means that he is not ignorant of how much trouble I am in. Yet he has not made any attempts to help me repay my debts. All he does is listen to whatever the angry people tell him and bring me a report. Some of the things they tell him are threats. Especially from the people I buy stuff from. He could have paid off those monies but he chooses not to. He would rather tell me about the threat.
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At some point, he even called my parents in the middle of the night and told them I am owing people. Is it proper for him to do that? I feel the fact that we are married means when issues come up, we should deal with them together. Isn’t that what it means to have a partner?
It’s not as if I am a new wife to him. We’ve been married for ten years. We have three daughters together. His behaviour has caused me to reflect on our marriage. And I am noticing that he hasn’t done any tangible thing for me throughout this period.
Building the Perfect Relationship| Chat & Chuckles Ep15
So I sat him down and asked him to do something for me for once. “Help me clear my debts.” He laughed and said, “Me? You must be crazy.” I was shocked.
Most importantly, I am confused. I am trying to understand if it was wrong of me to ask my husband to help me out of a financial bind. Was it unreasonable of me to ask for his help? I am beginning to feel like I am wasting my time in this marriage.
—Gifty
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You did no wrong. He is just being inconsiderate.
When the family responsibilities came, did you discuss it with your husband? Do you actually know all his finances and how much he uses to pay school fees, provide clothes for the children, medical bills, save for the children future tertiary education etc? Are you the only child of your parents? Why did you make yourself King Kong and carry the debts when you were not appraised of all the cost involved. You can only appeal to the sense of empathy of your husband and not act entitled.
Osei well said…
You have asked all the right questions