Earlier this year, I lost my partner. It’s been hard coping with my grief but the good thing is, I have a support system. They’ve been my rock through this difficult period. While I am thankful for them, there are some things I find difficult to talk to them about. Out of loneliness, I decided then that I would find someone outside my system and make that person my confidante. 

I am a believer in talking to strangers when you find your heart too heavy to carry alone. It’s easier sometimes to open up completely to a stranger, you know. That way I wouldn’t have to burden the people around me too much with the heaviness of my grief. 

I went looking for this comfort on an online dating website. I hoped I would meet someone who would understand what I am going through and be that emotional support for me. Acheampong presented himself as everything I was looking for. 

When he heard my story he said, “I want to be of help to you whichever way I can. Whatever you need, I am here for you.” I was touched. Especially when I didn’t have to tell him what I wanted from him. He offered it freely. It meant a great deal to me that he did that.

As we got to know each other better, he proposed love to me. I liked him but I wasn’t sure I wanted to date him. If you were in my shoes, wouldn’t you also find it suspicious that he was unmarried at his age? How many times do you meet a forty-two-year-old man who is unmarried, has never been married, but appears very good on paper?

When the people in my support group encouraged me to give him a chance I shook my head and told them, “This man seems too good to be true. If he is all that great then why hasn’t another woman cuffed him by now? There must be something wrong with him.” My people countered with the argument that these days people want to attain some level of career success before they consider settling down. “Don’t you remember Kofi? He got married in his forties. Are you saying he is a bad person?” They went on to list other people in our circle who got married later in life. 

By the time I finished talking to them, I was ready to give Acheampong the benefit of the doubt. I had a lengthy conversation with him and he assured me that there was no woman in his life. I accepted his proposal then. 

The honeymoon phase of the relationship lasted only for a moment. By the time we were in our third month, I was sure something was up. He was acting sketchy. He said things that didn’t align with his actions. He became extremely busy too. All these signs gave me the impression that he was hiding something huge from me.

I had a lot of questions in my mind but I didn’t trust that he would give me the answers I was looking for. So I resorted to something I only do in extreme situations. I have people in places who know people. I reached out to one of them and gave them Acheampong’s name. I didn’t have to say anything more.  

The next time I heard back from my contact, they had a report for me. It turns out the man who claims he has never been married is happily married with two children. From the investigations, his wife has no idea about his extramarital affairs.

I was in disbelief. Sure, I knew he was hiding something but I didn’t expect to find an entire secret family when I embarked on my search. I called this guy out on his deception and he was still trying to maintain his lies. I broke up with him regardless. 

I have some stuff with him that I tried to collect after the breakup. Every time I called him to bring them he would give me excuses. Now, why would you play me like this and still play hide and seek with me concerning my own stuff? 

One day when I decided to go there myself for the stuff. I met another woman over there. He wasn’t dating only me. She was his girlfriend too. We had a conversation, me and the lady. She told me things about their relationship, including the fact that she contracted gonorrhea from him. The people who lived in his house also confirmed his promiscuity. “He is always bringing home different women. There is always a new face among them,” they gosipped.

I panicked so hard after hearing those things. I went to the hospital and took an HIV test. Thankfully, it came out negative. But I intend to take another one in the next three months. 

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Now, I have forgotten about those items. He can keep them. As long as I have life, I can replace them. What I want now is to do the right thing for everyone involved in this man’s schemes. And I am certain the right thing to do is to expose him. 

The people in my support system are divided about this. One part says I should let it go and move on. The other part said I should expose him. Me too I want to expose him. Not only because I am hurt but for the sake of all the women who have also fallen prey to his lies. The other lady I met at his place and all the other ones he is craftily stringing along, and the ones who may be caught in his web of lies in the future. 

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Oh, did I mention that he is a man of God? He is a pastor at one of the biggest churches in Ghana. I don’t think a man in that kind of position of power who has proven to be of dubious character should go scot-free. 

He is begging me not to expose him. “It will ruin my life. It will bring disgrace to my church,” he pleads. What about the lives he is ruining with these secret acts? I know what I want to do but I need to know if indeed, it is the right thing to do. What are your thoughts on the subject?

— Chiva

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