My husband is forcing me into a corner. He’s using dark art and manipulation to get me to pay a debt I do not owe. Maybe, I’m wrong but you tell me what you think.

We got married seven months ago after dating for nine months. Of all the reasons I married him, money wasn’t one. I married him because of the kind of man he was. When we were dating, he was there for me, he helped with my work and supervised the ladies who worked for me. I saw him as someone interested in me as a person and also interested in my growth.

When it came down to money, he didn’t show a lot. He didn’t have money for anything. Even on my birthday, he gave excuses for not giving me a gift. I didn’t complain. I knew we could build together.

When we married, he complained about money but I was there to help. I helped with the list. I helped with the whole traditional and white wedding. If I’m being honest, I will say I contributed more than he did. I did it out of love and for the future I saw the two of us building.

Just a week after our wedding, we had a knock on our door. I opened the door and saw two able gentlemen asking about my husband. He wasn’t home so I told them. They said, “We’ve been chasing your husband for over a year. He owes us money and he has been running. Do you mind calling him on the phone for us?”

I did and put him on a loudspeaker. He was begging. He told them he was making some money ready. He begged for time. He asked them to leave me out of it. The men obliged and went away.

When he came home, we went to the bank to negotiate with them. They gave out a payment arrangement they called flexible but to me, it isn’t. He accepted the terms but the issue is, he doesn’t have that much to meet the payment obligations so he came to rely on me. The first three batch of payments, he took loans from me but I didn’t see how he was going to repay me so I told him I wasn’t going to pay again.

Since then, it’s been a battle between us. “I’m your husband. What’s wrong if you help me pay my loan?”  “What’s mine is yours. Help me do this and I’ll help you do whatever will come our way.”

This is pure manipulation. I love him, no two ways about that but his debt, something I didn’t know about can’t be my burden. He doesn’t talk around here again. You ask him and he tells you, “How can I talk when I’m not happy? Are you happy that I’m being pursued?”

What Nobody Tells You About Cohabiting

He lives in my house. I pay utilities while he gives housekeeping money weekly. Even that one, when he tells me he doesn’t have money, I don’t worry him. Am I being a bad wife for not helping? The money I loaned to him came from my businesses. If I don’t reinvest, my business will suffer. Do I choose my business or my husband?

—Freda

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