For the past twenty years, it’s always been my mum. She is the only parent who has been present in my life. I don’t know my father’s whereabouts. According to the stories she told me, he abandoned us when I was born. 

She did menial jobs here and there to put food on the table and provide shelter for us. Things were hard for us, I remember. She constantly assured me, “Things will get better when I get something stable to do.” This was the hope that kept us warm on cold nights. 

“A helper will come soon,” I said to myself every time I needed something my mother couldn’t afford. Whenever I saw kids who seemed to have less struggle in their lives than I did I would smile and say, “One day when our helper comes I will have all the nice clothes they also have.” This was the kind of wishful thinking that afforded me a little escape from our hardships. It costs nothing to daydream, does it?

I was in my third year in primary school when she came home looking excited. She had good news. “Do you remember all the times I told you something good will come along soon?” I nodded to say yes. She then talked about a new job she had gotten in a house nearby. The couple were yet to be married but they were looking for a cleaner. And my mother felt lucky to get the job. 

When she started working for them, I was more than convinced that they were the helpers I had been praying for. Both the man and the woman were good to us. They treated us like family. By then they didn’t have any kids so they called me their daughter. I also referred to them as my mum and dad. 

Eventually, when they got married and started having kids they didn’t change toward me. I was still their daughter. Even to this day, I call them mum and dad.

They traveled before my placement for SHS came out. Although we couldn’t reach them, my mother strived for me to go to school. 

I was in my first year when the COVID-19 pandemic hit. Schools were shut down and so were many businesses. I think it affected their travel as well because they returned home that year. 

Upon their return, they reached out to us. They told me, “Why don’t you come and stay with us for a while? It will take some burdens off your mother’s shoulders. You can go back whenever you start missing home.” Well, they are family so I agreed.

It was all innocent at first. But I realized that every time I tried to go home they would tell me, “If you miss your mother she can come to you. You don’t have to go all the way home.” It became a thing. Before I knew it, I was living with them while my mother was the one visiting me. They were not treating me badly so nobody complained. 

In SHS 3, anytime I got the chance to call home my mum would tell me she was at the hospital. At some point she said, “I have been referred to Korle Bu so that’s where I go now.” Whenever I asked her, “What’s the problem? What are the doctors saying?” Her response was, “They are still running their tests. We will know when they have something to tell us.” Finally, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. By the time the diagnosis came out, I had completed school.

Now my mum is sick, and because of that, I had to continue living with the couple. They were planning to relocate to another country at the time. They told me, “We want to take you along. Will you go?” Of course, I said yes. 

They started processing my documents and insisted I learn a skill. “Next year by this time we won’t be here,” they said, “that’s why you need to acquire some handwork to earn money when we travel.” To prove that I was ready for anything, I took my apprenticeship seriously. 

Now, the woman is out of the country and the man travels out of the country and back. I am the one who takes care of the kids when they are gone. I didn’t have a problem doing that at first but now I feel I am being deceived. 

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All the plans they said they have for me have been relegated to the back bench. Today they have a story about why I should be patient. Tomorrow they have another story about challenges that disrupt plans. Even with the apprenticeship I am under, I don’t get the time to go as consistently as I should. I only go when I am free. This delays the learning process for me but there is not much I can do about it. 

I don’t have a problem taking care of their children while they are busy traveling. My question is, what about me? What becomes of my life if I dedicate all my time to them? Right now I already feel the years after high school have been wasted. My only consolation is that I have some skills I can work with, and they’ve given me a roof over my head. 

Looking at my mother’s situation, she cannot afford to see me through school or take care of my needs. This tells me that if I want to do better for myself then I need to work toward it. That’s my dilemma right now. A part of me wants to go out there and carve my own path. But I don’t have the heart to walk away from the kids.

All these years I have spent with the couple have made me develop a bond with the kids. And I worry that if I leave, whoever comes after me won’t take good care of them because they are spoiled. Is it right for me to stay here with all these uncertainties for the sake of the children? Or I should be selfish and choose myself and my future?

— Saphy

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