I was doing some work before I got pregnant. When the baby came, I had to put work on hold and be a full-time mum until the baby was ready to be left in the care of someone else. Now I am back to work.

Ever since I had the baby, I have been living with my boyfriend, Teddy. Things were good at first. Even when the relationship began, he was sweet. And he was generous toward me. We didn’t have any major problems to contend with. Our issues involved things like, “Why haven’t I heard from you all day? Are you too busy for me?” Or “Why weren’t answering your phone? What were you doing?”  

Apart from these simple-simple confusions which we always resolved quickly, we didn’t have any big problems that should tear us apart. Even when we found out I was pregnant, we handled it well. We were not ready but we accepted responsibility for our actions. We both agreed to keep the pregnancy and stayed in sync throughout the journey. 

During our baby boy’s naming ceremony, some of his classmates were present. I observed that things started changing between us after he introduced me to them. We used to take turns taking care of the baby. However, after that day he became too busy to stay at home and help with the workload. 

He started looking for reasons to be away. Today he is meeting his friends at an event to chill. Tomorrow he is making plans to meet another girl and spend time with her. He would leave home early in the morning and return late at night. Sometimes he would be gone for days. It was as if he had forgotten that he was a father with responsibilities.  

I spoke to him several times but I didn’t see any positive change. If anything his change was for the worse. Someone who used to provide for our needs doesn’t do that anymore. That’s my major problem as I write this. 

Yes, it’s bad that now he cheats and chooses to spend his days and nights with his friend. But it bothers me more that he is keeping his money from us. Sometimes his mother helps me buy diapers, food, clothes, and other stuff the baby needs. Because of this, when I ask him for money he tells me; “Why don’t you go ask my mother for what you need? You know she will give it to you.” 

He is not lying. She always gives it to me, but is it not embarrassing that I have to go to my baby daddy’s mother and ask her to provide for my son’s needs when his father is alive and well? This is why I feel shy asking her for help when things get hard for me. 

On days I manage to twist Teddy’s arm to provide, he would give me GHS50 or GHS100 and expect me to use it for two weeks. He knows very well that I would have to buy baby food, diapers, and soap to wash the baby’s clothes from the same money he gives me. 

He sees that I am working so he expects me to do everything by myself. He tells me so himself. If he gives me a small amount of money and I complain he asks me, “Are you not working? What do you do with your money that you can’t use it to buy the things you need?” Doesn’t this simply mean he doesn’t want to support me because I am working?

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My only comfort in all this is his mother. She is a very good woman. She supports everything I decide to do. I believe if I tell her I want to leave him, she will support me. The problem is my mother. I told her, “I am no longer happy with Teddy. I want to leave him and move on with my life.” She disagreed with me. 

“In life, you need to have patience,” she said. She tells me relationships are all about patience. To live with a man, you need to develop a thick skin so you are not phased by everything they do. The truth is, her advice is not working for me. 

I’m Mentally And Emotionally Damaged Because Of What He Did

I don’t know how long I can go on watching my baby daddy act irresponsibly. Last Friday he went to his friend’s place again. I called him the entire time he was there but he didn’t pick up my calls. He was there for days. 

I want to leave but here lies the case where my mother keeps insisting that I stay. What do I do?

— Nhyira

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