My husband, Fatahi, and I have been married for the past four years now. Before we got married, he opened up to me about his past relationships. One of them had a significant impact on his life. It has to do with a paternity issue he has with a lady who happens to be his ex-girlfriend.

According to him, “When I met her she told me she was divorced from her husband. They had a child together before their marriage fell apart. This didn’t bother me. I liked her and she liked me. That was all the green light I needed to propose to love to her.” 

At some point in their relationship, the lady got pregnant. She said the child was his. He trusted that he was the only man in her life so he accepted responsibility for the pregnancy. Throughout the nine months, he was present in her life. There was no sign of any other man. He took care of her until the baby arrived. 

On the day of delivery, Fatahi’s family went to the hospital to welcome the newborn. While they stood by the lady’s bedside, they saw another man happily pick up the baby. They didn’t know him but it was obvious the man was her husband. Their suspicions were confirmed when after that, she denied Fatahi access to the child. “She changed her tune and told me the child belongs to her husband,” he said.  

It’s been over twelve years now. And he made sure I knew about this issue before we got married. I was okay marrying him regardless. Now he is telling me, “I believe that child is mine.” I could tell the matter was weighing on him. 

He talked about all the times they tried to get the baby from her but couldn’t. Every time they went, she told Fatahi; “Why are you trying so hard to claim a child who is not yours? Forget about the baby and move on with your life.” 

It’s true, he has moved on from her. However, he hasn’t moved on from the child. To this day, he is disturbed about all of it. He says he won’t be at peace with himself until he conducts a DNA test.

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All those years he opened up about this issue, he didn’t add the part where he was holding on to the belief that the child could be his. He made me think he had accepted that he wasn’t the father. Only for me to be finding out right now that he is not convinced the other man is the biological father of his ex’s child. 

I’m Mentally And Emotionally Damaged Because Of What He Did

I want to know if there are any legal implications if one conducts a paternity test on a child without seeking consent from the parents. If the answer is yes, then what steps should we take to have the test done legally?

Although we don’t have access to the child, we know someone who is willing to bring whatever samples of his we would need to find the match. So Fatahi is willing to tow this line. I know he is probably desperate but I don’t agree with this method. I want him to do things the right way. It would be proper for him to get easy access to the boy so we wouldn’t have to sneak around to get the answers we are looking for. What channels can we use to achieve this?

— Rosie

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