My father was not present in our lives when we were growing up. According to my mother, he abandoned my sister and me when I was three years old. Our upkeep, education, and well-being solely relied on our mother and her resilience. Even when things got hard, she refused to give up. That strength of willpower propelled us to stay focused and not give up on our dreams.

We knew our mother was pouring everything she had into us. So it was up to us to make sure her efforts didn’t go in vain. Despite the challenges, we stayed the course. Now we are responsible members of society.

Nineteen years after our father walked out of our lives without looking back, he crawled his way back into our lives because my mum only gave birth to female children. He started acting like Father Of The Year. By this I mean, he wants to reap where he did not sow. Ever since he came back, he hasn’t hidden the fact that he is jealous that we are taking care of my mum.

For as long as I have known him, he has never publicly acknowledged us as his children. He prefers my half-siblings. They are the ones he claims with pride. However, when it comes to my mother’s children he treats us like a secret shame that must be hidden from the world.

He has no care for us. He only calls us when he needs money or when one of us is getting married. When I was about to get married, for instance, my mum’s family requested that he pay her bride price and clear all the debts he owed them. If not they wouldn’t play their part for his daughters to get married. It was my sister and I who sent him money to do that before he was able to.

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He refused to buy or build a house for our mum. Even to rent an apartment for her, he couldn’t. That one too, it is us the children who did it. Recently, we completed a two-bedroom house for her, and she has moved in there.

He wishes he was the one living in that house instead of her or that he was living with her but who would let him? Because of this, he has gotten so envious of her to the point that he has reported her to our village elders for things she didn’t do.

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My sister almost died right before her wedding two years ago. And we suspect foul play. Now he has a new routine. He waits till the end of the month or the beginning of the new month to ask for money. That way we wouldn’t have excuses to give him.

After everything he wants from us, he is still hiding us. He shows no pride in being known in association with us. This is why I need advice. I hate it so much when he asks us for money although we give him. Every month like clockwork, he comes asking. It is what we give him that he uses to pay school fees and feed his other children. Seeing as it does not make us happy, should we stop doing it? Or we should let go of the past and continue to support him?

— Jeane

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