My father was not present in our lives when we were growing up. According to my mother, he abandoned my sister and me when I was three years old. Our upkeep, education, and well-being solely relied on our mother and her resilience. Even when things got hard, she refused to give up. That strength of willpower propelled us to stay focused and not give up on our dreams.
We knew our mother was pouring everything she had into us. So it was up to us to make sure her efforts didn’t go in vain. Despite the challenges, we stayed the course. Now we are responsible members of society.
Nineteen years after our father walked out of our lives without looking back, he crawled his way back into our lives because my mum only gave birth to female children. He started acting like Father Of The Year. By this I mean, he wants to reap where he did not sow. Ever since he came back, he hasn’t hidden the fact that he is jealous that we are taking care of my mum.
For as long as I have known him, he has never publicly acknowledged us as his children. He prefers my half-siblings. They are the ones he claims with pride. However, when it comes to my mother’s children he treats us like a secret shame that must be hidden from the world.
He has no care for us. He only calls us when he needs money or when one of us is getting married. When I was about to get married, for instance, my mum’s family requested that he pay her bride price and clear all the debts he owed them. If not they wouldn’t play their part for his daughters to get married. It was my sister and I who sent him money to do that before he was able to.
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He refused to buy or build a house for our mum. Even to rent an apartment for her, he couldn’t. That one too, it is us the children who did it. Recently, we completed a two-bedroom house for her, and she has moved in there.
He wishes he was the one living in that house instead of her or that he was living with her but who would let him? Because of this, he has gotten so envious of her to the point that he has reported her to our village elders for things she didn’t do.
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My sister almost died right before her wedding two years ago. And we suspect foul play. Now he has a new routine. He waits till the end of the month or the beginning of the new month to ask for money. That way we wouldn’t have excuses to give him.
After everything he wants from us, he is still hiding us. He shows no pride in being known in association with us. This is why I need advice. I hate it so much when he asks us for money although we give him. Every month like clockwork, he comes asking. It is what we give him that he uses to pay school fees and feed his other children. Seeing as it does not make us happy, should we stop doing it? Or we should let go of the past and continue to support him?
— Jeane
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Do you really want our advice? You know what to do, cut him out and don’t look back.
I will not advice you not to give your dad money but, whenever he asked for money, give him a lot of excuses and give him a fraction of what he demanded for
Stop giving it to him . He think you are a fool that’s why he keeps doing it. Stop giving it to him when he complain , remind him of he neglected you guys .
Have an honest discussion with him and make him know if he’s not ready to acknowledge you openly as his kids, then you’re equally not ready to recognise him as your father let alone provide for his needs. Remind him of his neglect over the past 19 years and make him aware it’s not something you take lightly and that he can’t just show up and be expecting you to look after him when he’s not even willing to in the least apologize for being absent in your lives
Tell him exactly how much you can give him every month and arrange an automatic payment plan or standing order. He is obviously a shameless and obnoxious fellow, but he is your father. The good book says, it is when we give that we get. Would you rather give to a stranger out there than your flesh and blood? If we were to love only those who love us, then, as the Book says, anyone can do it. It is loving annoying people like your dad that brings you good returns. Discuss any plan with your mother.
you see why they will never change. Because we always forgive them which should not be so. my mum left me when i was little i mean so little i do not remember her or know her. it hurts a lot sometimes because i am married now have children of my own and the wish she was around to help but she is not which is fine. she wants to go and it’s just fine. Sack that man out of your life’s