Whenever he visits me, I make sure he is well-fed. Sometimes he doesn’t only spend a few hours and leave. Even during times when he did stay for a short while, I still served him a delicious meal. If he stayed the whole day I would feed him the entire day.
Mostly, he spends days when he comes around. He says he feels comfortable when he comes to my end. Because of that, he doesn’t like to leave when he visits. He treats my place like his second home. I also do my best to make him feel welcome. I clean up after him and cook him meals I know he likes.
To be honest, I don’t mind having him in my space all the time. I don’t have a problem with the extra work I have to do when he is here. Cooking for him as many times as he is here with me doesn’t bother me either. What I find unpleasant about this unspoken arrangement is the absence of money.
I am sure that if I was doing well for myself financially, it wouldn’t have occurred to me that I have been the one spending money on this guy since the relationship began. At first, I was comfortable doing it because I believed he would also pay his due in the relationship. I was disappointed when I learned that he had no generous bone in his body.
This guy would spend days at my end and eat everything I give him. Yet it never has never dawned on him to offer me money to cover some of the costs I incurred by hosting him. All he does is say, “You are such a good cook. Thank you so much for taking good care of me.” It ends there.
Even if we go beyond the ways I take care of him when he is here, he has never given me anything since we started dating. He uses his words to tell me, “You have no idea how deeply I love you. I will literally do anything for you,” but his actions shout, “I don’t care about you.” Why am I saying this? On a few occasions when we had to meet at my place, I told this guy I didn’t have food at home.
It was the truth. I had been so busy during those periods that I didn’t have time to cook. It was also an opportunity for me to see if he would take the initiative to ensure there was food for us. This person who claimed he loved me, made sure he ate before coming to see me. He didn’t even ask me, “Have you eaten? I am getting something to eat, should I get some for you?” It didn’t happen once. Every time he did this I was disappointed.
I am not the type who asks a man for money just because we are in a relationship. I expect the man to be generous on his own terms. Here lies the case where this man doesn’t even care that I am struggling financially. Every now and then, I borrow money from Quickloan and Xtracash to cushion me when things become unbearable.
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Currently, I owe these two platforms. They send messages to remind me to pay my debts. My boyfriend has seen these messages but he turns a blind eye. He has never offered to help me pay off the loans. And neither has he attempted to give me money as a form of support.
When he talks to me about his previous relationships, he tells me his exes didn’t have a job like I do. “I had to provide for their financial needs the entire time we were together.” So I ask myself that if he can take full responsibility of grown women, then why can’t he show me a little kindness once in a while? He eats at my end quite often, so why hasn’t it occurred to him to at least top up the money I set aside for food for the month?
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After everything I have seen in the past four months, we’ve been together, I am beginning to question his supposed love for me. I believe a man who loves me will not be insensitive to my needs the way this man is. In case you are wondering, he is not unemployed. He earns more than I do yet I am the one funding this love affair.
I am thinking I should ask him for money directly but I am too shy to bring myself to do that. A part of me also feels he is just using me for the free meals. That’s why he doesn’t want to invest his money into what we have. Am I right to feel this way?
— Yaa
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Madam he is stingy
He is not a boyfriend material talk much less of a husband material. My dear you are right he is with you because of food. Apart from that he has no bone of empathy within him and talk much less of kindness. Empathy is the mother of kindness. Cut him off.
Madam u are seeing all the red signs and u still on this plateform what u do , u already know what do u beside u stated them already and u are purring a blind eye on it . A man who is in realtionship who cant help his woman when she needs him the most is not qualified a man or to be in a realtionship. Walk out anf count on losses. Focus on yourself and work instead rather than caring for a man who is not ready to stand by u during difficulties times . A word to the wise is enough
if they tell you to run, can you run?
Ahh this brother has made the daughters of Eve got us oooo…..
Ask him money, when he refuses quit,there’s no relationship in the first place, he’s only taking advantage of you bcos you feed him and clean after him,he’s not your baby for you to bear this responsibility, ask him money to buy foodstuffs, ask him money for utilities bcos he spends days there,ask him to go out with you at times, don’t let him always be at your place,if he refuses to go out with you know that he’s not ready to spend on you which is an indication that he doesn’t love you,
Didn’t you read someone’s story, you too give him bills 🤣🤣🤣🤣,they’re taking our generosity for granted,its about time we wake up,see these red flags and wisen up
I know the guys here will blast me but I don’t care,some of us have learnt our lessons and we have to share our experience with our sisters so that they also don’t fall victims to be taken for granted
I’m proud of him, the realest alpha male! Let u female folks have some taste of the poison u delights in feeding men with. Pls forgive him and give him more shance to change. Cheers girl!
this is what men used to do util women asked for equality. Now you have it
Four months and you’re going through all this hell? That is his nature, he won’t change. Waste no more time to entertain him. I don’t see any benefits for you in this relationship, but rather a drain on your meagre resources. Dawg him, dear.
After all this you’re asking as what to do? You know what to do you just want someone to tell you not to do it.
I’m a living testimony to what you’re going through and let me tell you what I did;
I told him point blank exactly what he’s doing and how I feel about it in case he doesn’t know. After that conversation with him he decided to give me money but I rejected it and broke up with him. I’m a nurse and this guy earns twice or more of what I earn. Now I’m happily married to someone who loves and cares about me. My little advice sis, cut him off else you’ll regret it. He will never change.