Whenever he visits me, I make sure he is well-fed. Sometimes he doesn’t only spend a few hours and leave. Even during times when he did stay for a short while, I still served him a delicious meal. If he stayed the whole day I would feed him the entire day.

Mostly, he spends days when he comes around. He says he feels comfortable when he comes to my end. Because of that, he doesn’t like to leave when he visits. He treats my place like his second home. I also do my best to make him feel welcome. I clean up after him and cook him meals I know he likes.

To be honest, I don’t mind having him in my space all the time. I don’t have a problem with the extra work I have to do when he is here. Cooking for him as many times as he is here with me doesn’t bother me either. What I find unpleasant about this unspoken arrangement is the absence of money.

I am sure that if I was doing well for myself financially, it wouldn’t have occurred to me that I have been the one spending money on this guy since the relationship began. At first, I was comfortable doing it because I believed he would also pay his due in the relationship. I was disappointed when I learned that he had no generous bone in his body.

This guy would spend days at my end and eat everything I give him. Yet it never has never dawned on him to offer me money to cover some of the costs I incurred by hosting him. All he does is say, “You are such a good cook. Thank you so much for taking good care of me.” It ends there.

Even if we go beyond the ways I take care of him when he is here, he has never given me anything since we started dating. He uses his words to tell me, “You have no idea how deeply I love you. I will literally do anything for you,” but his actions shout, “I don’t care about you.” Why am I saying this? On a few occasions when we had to meet at my place, I told this guy I didn’t have food at home.

It was the truth. I had been so busy during those periods that I didn’t have time to cook. It was also an opportunity for me to see if he would take the initiative to ensure there was food for us. This person who claimed he loved me, made sure he ate before coming to see me. He didn’t even ask me, “Have you eaten? I am getting something to eat, should I get some for you?” It didn’t happen once. Every time he did this I was disappointed.

I am not the type who asks a man for money just because we are in a relationship. I expect the man to be generous on his own terms. Here lies the case where this man doesn’t even care that I am struggling financially. Every now and then, I borrow money from Quickloan and Xtracash to cushion me when things become unbearable.

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Currently, I owe these two platforms. They send messages to remind me to pay my debts. My boyfriend has seen these messages but he turns a blind eye. He has never offered to help me pay off the loans. And neither has he attempted to give me money as a form of support.

When he talks to me about his previous relationships, he tells me his exes didn’t have a job like I do. “I had to provide for their financial needs the entire time we were together.” So I ask myself that if he can take full responsibility of grown women, then why can’t he show me a little kindness once in a while? He eats at my end quite often, so why hasn’t it occurred to him to at least top up the money I set aside for food for the month?

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After everything I have seen in the past four months, we’ve been together, I am beginning to question his supposed love for me. I believe a man who loves me will not be insensitive to my needs the way this man is. In case you are wondering, he is not unemployed. He earns more than I do yet I am the one funding this love affair.

I am thinking I should ask him for money directly but I am too shy to bring myself to do that. A part of me also feels he is just using me for the free meals. That’s why he doesn’t want to invest his money into what we have. Am I right to feel this way?

— Yaa

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