After my ex got married, it took me more than two years to open myself to someone new. In between those moments, I had a few talking stages and went on a couple of dates. But none of them led anywhere because I didn’t feel I was ready for anything serious yet. However, when Kwabena texted me the first time I knew there was something different about him. 

He took my number from our mutual friend when she posted me on my birthday. His earlier messages were casual check-ins. As time passed, things progressed to intimate conversations. Shortly after that, he expressed interest in me. 

At the time he proposed love to me, we hadn’t met yet. So my response was, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to start a relationship on the phone while we haven’t met.” He assured me that he liked me. “What I feel for you is beyond physical. That’s why I don’t need to see you in person to decide that I want to be with you.” In the end, I agreed to give him a chance.  

One thing I liked about him was how intentional he was about our communication. He told me everything that happened in his day. He would give me details about what he encountered at work. This made it easy for me to guess what he was doing at whichever time of day I thought of him.  

We are both government workers but I have been posted to work in a rural area. So we planned to talk and get to know each other better. Then in December when we go on Christmas break I would come to Accra to meet him. However, the more we talked the more we realized we couldn’t wait till December. We decided we would have to meet earlier than that.

I had concerns that he could be secretly married or be in a serious relationship. When I asked him he swore he was truly single. “Apart from you, there is no other woman in my life.” He sounded convincing. So one Friday I made a trip to his place as planned. Everything was good when I got there. I loved the attention and treatment he gave me. 

That evening, I opened his kitchen cabinet looking for some rice to boil. There I found lady’s clothes. However, they looked old so I didn’t make anything of them. Later, when I casually asked him about them he told me he wasn’t ready for my drama. 

The next day the taps weren’t flowing. While I was outside collecting water from one of Kwabena’s co-tenants, their landlady screamed at me saying, “Since you came here, you and your brother have used a lot of water, why?” I wasn’t upset about what she said. Rather, I was confused she referred to me as Kwabena’s sister. This had me thinking a lot. 

Before I knew it, I was going through his stuff looking for answers. I found panties, body cream, pomade, deodorant, a sponge, a towel, nightwear, a toothbrush, and a dress under his bed. All the items were feminine. There were also some slippers in his bathroom that belonged to a woman.  

After seeing those things I called to tell him that I would like to leave. Immediately he got home he asked, “Why are you leaving so soon? This is not what we planned?” I showed the items to him and asked whom they belonged to. He also asked why I went through his stuff. Then he said the stuff belonged to a family friend who comes to Accra once in a while and lodges at his place.

I didn’t believe him. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but my mind was creating so many possible scenarios. That night I slept on the floor. Before morning he told me he would be traveling out of Accra the next day. I said no problem. I called the bus going to my district and booked a seat. 

The next morning we all dressed up and I followed him to his workplace to pick up some items he ordered for me. Then he dropped me off at Accra Mall to wait for my bus. We were still talking nicely until one day when we were discussing a story that was posted here on this page. 

READ ALSO: After Twelve Years Together, He Says I Am His Bad Luck.

I seized the opportunity and told him I wasn’t happy with the explanation he gave me about the female items I found under his bed. He also said, “I am not happy with you because when I gave you money, you thanked me as if you didn’t like the money.” I was surprised he would say this. I thanked him wholeheartedly when he gave me the money. I even sent him a message the next morning to say thank you.

He also complained that I left the nightwear he gave me in his bathroom without washing it. I explained that there was no water. “Also, I didn’t take them away because I thought they belonged to someone else.” This guy answered, “I bought that nightwear for you out of love but listen to what you are saying.” I tried to apologize for hurting his feelings but he hung up.

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For two days he ignored my calls and messages. When he finally spoke to me, it was to break up with me. He claimed I have trust issues. I begged him for almost a week to reconsider his decision before he told me we could still talk but he wouldn’t be fully committed. Truly, he found ways to end conversations every time I spoke to him.

I understand now that he is no longer interested so I have stopped calling. My problem now is, that I have gotten too attached to him. I didn’t even know I was in love with him until we stopped talking. Now it hurts so bad. I hate that I have lost myself to whatever kind of relationship we had. I keep fighting the urge to call him, so he wouldn’t see me as desperate. Please, what can I do to heal and move on from him completely? I miss talking to him. I hate that I am back to square one again.

— Kelly

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