Although things have been challenging for us financially, we’ve always had each other’s backs. When he is down, I am his support. When I am down, he is my gallant prince to the rescue. We’ve been doing this for five years. No, we are not married. We have been planning and wanting to tie the knot but because of money issues, we had to put things on hold. Finally, we agreed that it would happen next year. This was before things started slowing down for him financially. 

For the past three months, things haven’t been going well at his job when it comes to sales. This has affected his finances to a great deal. He has been worried about it. And each time the subject comes up I tell him, “You are doing the best you can so don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Things will pick up eventually.” Every time I encouraged him he seemed to relax. So I thought we were on the same page.  

When I first met him he didn’t have a job. It didn’t matter to me. I saw his potential. I knew he would make something of himself if he got the right opportunity. So I chose to love and support him however I could. We were together for two years before he finally landed his current job. 

After he got the job, things started picking up for him. He is a good man. I have often heard stories of men who behave sweetly when they are unemployed. But the moment they start earning income, they bare their teeth and start snarling. My James is not like that. He didn’t show me any hidden toxic traits when he got the job. He remained the same man I fell in love with. 

Just like him, I also didn’t change. When the relationship began, I never asked him for stuff. How could I do that when I knew he didn’t have a job? Later, when he got a job I maintained the same energy. I didn’t give him unnecessary pressure about money. 

We have a child together but still, I don’t stress him with money issues. I have something going for myself. So we share responsibilities when it comes to taking care of our son. When things started slowing down for him, I stopped expecting him to provide the way he would when things were going right for him. So I started taking care of things that I would have asked him to. Just so he wouldn’t feel pressured. 

This is why I was so surprised after we had a lengthy conversation. He was the one who called and said he had something important to discuss with me. I urged him to go on as I dropped everything I was doing to listen to him. 

He started the conversation by talking about his slow sales and poor finances. Then he said, “I feel like I haven’t made any financial progress with my life for the past five years. I earn money now, yes. But we both know my life hasn’t improved much.” These are things we both know already so I didn’t interrupt him. I just wanted him to hurry up and get to the point. 

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After all the rants about his money problems he told me, “You are a woman. You have a biological clock that narrows your prospects on the marriage market as time passes. Let’s not forget about childbirth. The same does not apply to me because I am a man. I can easily get married when I turn forty. Even fifty. I can have kids at those ages too. That’s why I feel I am being unfair to you by keeping you in this relationship.”

I was half surprised and half confused to hear him say these things. He concluded by saying, “I have thought about everything and I am suggesting we go our separate ways without any anger. If we end things amicably, we can go on and talk about how best to take care of our son. But if you want to stay with me till I am ready then know that I cannot assure you of when that time will be.”

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I agree with some of the things he said. That we both don’t have any savings. We have jobs but the money is nothing to home about. This is true but we have always supported each other. What happened to building together as a couple? Did it not mean anything to him all the times I told him everything was going to be fine? 

I haven’t given him any response because I don’t know what to do. I just don’t understand why a man would want to leave a woman just because he is struggling. It’s not as if I have complained or made unreasonable financial demands of him. So why?

— Jax

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