He was a struggling musician when I first met him. I am not talking about the kind who move from studio to studio trying to get a record deal. His was a little different. He is a performer who belongs to a band. His band is good. So they get gigs from time to time, and when they do, the money is good enough to sustain him until the next show. During times when he is out of money before the band gets another job, I would step in to cushion him. I was managing a thriving shop then.

We had a simple plan when the relationship began. The first one had to do with supporting each other. We agreed that if things were going well for him and I needed help, he would support me. And if he was down, I would come to his aid. The next plan was marriage. We were going to save some money together and get married. Nothing big. Just a small ceremony with our family and a few friends.

The marriage plan was before I got pregnant with our first son. Even after we found out I was pregnant he assured me, “I will marry you as promised. But now that you are pregnant, you have to give birth first. When the baby comes, we will have our small ceremony as planned.” I believed him. He hadn’t done anything to show me he wasn’t trustworthy at that time, so yes, I believed him.

Six months into the pregnancy, I asked him; “What are the preparations for the marriage plans?” He answered, “As I said already, have the baby first. So we will talk about plans when the baby comes.” Nine months after the baby arrived, I found out I was pregnant with our second child. We were not married then, so he used the second pregnancy as an excuse to postpone things.

As I write this, the relationship is seven years old. Our first child is six, while the second boy is four. So much has happened between us that I am unsure what to make of things.

Even after our two children, I was still living with my mother. The reason had to do with my business and also the fact that we are not married. However, he managed to convince me to move in with him six months ago. He said, “If we live together, we will take better care of the boys and save some money for marriage.” He also talked about raising the kids with two parents. His argument made sense so I agreed.

A few months ago, Johnson left home. He said he was going to Elubo with his band for a gig. We live in Accra, which is several hours drive from Elubo. This means I expected him to be gone for a number of days.

Almost a week later, one of his bandmates called to ask of him. I was surprised. “Is he not with you?” I asked. The guy said no. When I mentioned their trip to Elubo he went quiet for a while. Then he calmly said, “You are like a sister to me. That’s why I am going to betray Johnson and share this information with you.” He went on to tell me all the things my baby daddy was doing at my blindside. By the time the call ended, I was speechless.

Throughout the relationship, he has been a chronic cheat. That’s not new to me. I stayed in spite of it because I hoped he would change. What I didn’t expect was that he would leave home for an entire week under the guise of a job, to go stay with a woman in another suburb of Accra. That was not even the bad part. It turned out that his band was travelling to Germany for a show. I didn’t know anything about it. It was the guy from his band who told me.

I didn’t want to believe he would make travel plans without telling me, but I called his number several times and it was off. I didn’t hear from him till he arrived in Germany and called me on WhatsApp call. He was still sticking to the Elubo story but I told him, “I know it’s not true. You were with another woman. And right now you are in Germany.” He fumbled for a bit and then said he was sorry.

Now he is back in the country but he hasn’t returned home. He is with his new woman. She was the one by his side when he was making plans to travel and she is the one he went home to. Of course, he didn’t tell me he was back. The same band guy called to ask of him when they returned. It was then I knew they were back.

At first, Johnson lied that he was still in Germany when I called him. I had to cry on the phone before he told me he was with the woman. He has been in Ghana for three weeks but I haven’t seen him.

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What I don’t understand is why he would leave his two children and go live with a woman who is divorced with three children. This woman I am talking about is forty-seven. I am twenty-nine. And he is thirty-four. Why would he leave us for her?

When he was out of town, I confided in my landlady about his relationship with this new woman. My landlady decided to seek the woman out and have a conversation with her. I wasn’t there when they spoke but she came to tell me, “It didn’t go well.” According to her, Johnson’s woman said I am not married to him so she won’t leave him.  And now that he is with her instead of home with us, it means he has also decided not to leave her. Where does that leave me and our children?

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I am so distraught. The emotional torture I am experiencing is something else. Sometimes when it hurts so bad, I feel I should do something to myself and leave the children behind for him. I don’t know how to deal with this heartache.

The painful part about all this is that he doesn’t even provide for the kids. He is always complaining about money. Even after I moved in with him, it’s always been me. Now, everything is even finished in my shop. I want to return home but what will I tell my people? If they ask why I came back, what would I say? This is what I am confused about. Should I continue to stay here while he is out there with his new girlfriend? Or I should do away with shame and return to my mother?

— Akosua

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