Before I accepted his proposal, I told him everything I had been through in my past. All the ways the father of my three children traumatized me, we talked about it. The break-up was messy. He knows this too. He understood that I found it difficult to trust a man with my heart after everything I had experienced. Most importantly, all I wanted to do was work hard and raise my kids without another set of relationship problems.
Despite my reservations, he didn’t give up on me. He didn’t also rush me or put pressure on me to accept him into my life. All he had to do was open up himself and show me who he was. I saw for myself that he is everything my ex was not. This guy is caring. Not mere words, kind of caring. Ever since he came into my life, he has been all about making things easier for me.
He told me, “Just because your baby daddy hurt you doesn’t mean I am also going to do the same. All men are not the same. Some of us take good care of our women.” For the past six months since we’ve been dating, his actions have proved this.
He does everything for me. Most of the time, I don’t even ask. He gives me what I need before I even know that I need them. I had plans to start a business before things became serious between us. When the relationship began, I discussed my plans with him. Alvin bought into my idea. “This business sounds promising. Go for it. I believe you have what it takes to do it,” he encouraged.
After he did all the hype and encouragement, he gave me money to start the business. Even after that, he still makes sure I lack nothing. My kids are also not left out. He loves them and treats them as though they are his.
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We’ve not been together for long but we are talking about marriage. So far I have met all his friends. They are great. I like them and they like me too. They know about my kids and it’s not a problem. Why should it be though? They are not the ones I am dating.
Anyway, recently Alvin talked about introducing me to his parents. It made me happy. It meant a lot to me that our relationship is progressing in that direction. My only problem right now is how he wants me to present myself to them. He said, “We can tell them you are a mum but under no circumstances should you reveal that you have three children. If they ask you, just tell them you have one child.” How can I do this?
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I told him I can’t lie but he is sure his family would separate us should they know the truth. “I am the one going to marry you and live with you. Not my family. That’s why they shouldn’t have access to any information that would cause them to oppose our plans.” I understand him but I am not sure I have the energy to live a lie. Besides, how long will I have to keep pretending?
If I should go along with his plan and his parents find out later that we both lied to them, are they not going to be angry with me? I don’t want to start my relationship with his family based on a lie. However, I also don’t want them to reject me for having three children while Alvin himself doesn’t have any children of his own. Is there any hope for us? I don’t want to lose a good man. Should I do what he says and embrace the consequences later? I am so confused.
— Vera
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Pls u have to tell then the truth that you have 3 kids. If they found out later they will be angry with you
Don’t agree.It is better to be truthful than to lie. You can tell the truth and they won’t still accept you and when you lie to it will be worse . So the former is always the right choice. You being truthful might be a plus to they liking you .Remember you are the one marrying into their family so if you lie you will be tagged as a lier not your husband because the words are from your mouth not his. Everyone loves someone who is truthful. Don’t allow your fear to ruin things. Your man is being a coward so you have to be the brave one and do what is right. He lying is a bad thing which means he can lie to others when a situation arises which is bad. Speak the truth always and if possible be the truth . Don’t forget to add prayers to it. It will make things easy for you.
I agree with the two people above. Young lady, it is better to break up now(if that’s the price for revealing the truth) than to live with regret and prolly get divorced. Dont be surprise that he may back out and side with his family, leaving you alone to stew in the hot soup. What do i even know? Good luck!
This is the first test of your submission. If you insist you cannot lie in order to set up the meeting, he knows you will resist more nauced innovative changes he will seek to bring into the family in future. Say yes, but the night before your meeting bring up the challenge you have with it and see what he will say. If you feel you have benefited enough from him through the provision of the capital to set up your business and you want to break up with a ‘good and nice man’ to go in for your toxic type of men too, then over to you.
With three kids already, your options are limited. And if he says I am going to live with you so when we go to my family, say this or say that, and you don’t want to do it? How? Is it a courtroom or a Confessional? If you go and say anything other than what he tells you, your relationship is doomed. There are many ways you could explain the situation to thr parents – if you have to – later later later, after you both have got what you want.
You enable what you tolerate! A small white lie still needs a thousand more to cover up, right? What happens when the lie ain’t so white? Like three kids instead of one? Like covering up for a crime you witness with your very eyes? Like infidelity or physical abuse? I am not accusing your boo of anything oo but know that a journey of several miles begins with the first step! I hope we have provided you sufficient arms in your arsenal to make a wise decision. All the best!