I thought it was just the two of us in this relationship; me and my girlfriend. We made plans for our future. I am still in school but can’t a man dream? For the past three years, we’ve been telling each other all the dreams we would accomplish once I am done with school. Her parents know me. They knew I was her boyfriend and they didn’t have any problems with me. If anything, they accepted me wholeheartedly. As far as we are concerned, I am the man who is going to marry their daughter.

This is why I have been so confused ever since my girlfriend told me another man went to her parents and asked for her hand in marriage. “I was not home when he came,” she narrated, “but my absence didn’t stop him from asking for my hand in marriage. My parents called to ask me if they should accept his proposal. I vehemently disagreed.” This event occurred in the early parts of the year.

I know she expects me to believe her but I have so many questions. The whole thing came as a surprise to me. First of all, how does a random man walk into a young woman’s house and ask to marry her? It’s not as if we live in the age of arranged marriages where parents propose and accept marriage offers on their children’s behalf. How can you tell me that in this 21st century, a man you don’t have any relationship or history with would behave in this manner?

I asked her more about the man and everything she said makes him look good. While I am currently in level 400 studying political science, this man is settled. He is not now coming to complete school, finish his national service, and start looking for a job like me. He is a teacher who has worked long enough to be ready for marriage.

It is no wonder that her parents have decided the man is a better suitor for her than me. These sentiments started popping up right after the man went to see them. She told me, “My mother seems to like him a lot. She is always encouraging me to consider his offer. She even calls him every now and then to talk to him.” I asked her if I should be concerned. She shook her head and said no. “He may have won their hearts but I am the one with the choice. And I will always choose you. I have zero interest in him so whatever they are doing won’t get anywhere.” I said no problem.

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Unfortunately, it’s a problem now. Her parents no longer want me in the picture. They know I am the reason she doesn’t want to accept the other man. So they asked her to end things with me. However, she has refused to do it. I appreciate her choosing me and our relationship but how long will she hold on? Soon enough the pressure will get to her. Besides, will they ever accept me now that they have seen someone else?

I also can’t shake off the feeling that my girlfriend is not telling me the truth about her relationship with this man. She admitted that she knows him but she says it was not in a romantic capacity. They never dated nor were they even properly friends, that’s according to her. However, something tells me she might have dated him. Why else would he confidently go to her parents? The only thing I am convinced about is that she doesn’t want to marry him.

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I know she loves me. I also love her very much. That’s why I am concerned that the future we planned may not happen. The relationship has been shaky since that man’s appearance. Her parents withdrawing their support from me is also not helping me feel secure about what we have.

Now, I am here wondering if she was cheating on me all along and only felt the need to mention him now because of the drastic step he took. Also, is there hope that her parents will start liking me again? I need to know if I have a chance at winning this situation or if I should let her go, complete school, and then start nurturing a new relationship with someone else. Advice a brother, please.

— Kwame

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