I have been quiet since I found out what he did. He doesn’t know that I know the truth. I have been acting like the ever-dutiful wife he married sixteen years ago. I welcome him with a smile when he returns home from work. I cook his meals and serve them to him. I sit with him after dinner to watch TV and catch up on our day. He is behaving as if nothing is amiss so I am matching his energy.
They say you can tell the state of someone’s mind by their home but not me. You won’t come to our home and find our kids unattended or looking dirty. You won’t find the kitchen sink overrun with dirty dishes. Everything is as organized as it needs to be even though my mind feels like the aftermath of a battle.
All my thoughts are about everything William and I have been through in this marriage. For sixteen years, we’ve had each other’s backs. We’ve ridden life’s storms together. We’ve literally been through thick and thin. We’ve celebrated pregnancies, childbirths, and spent sleepless nights getting through the early stages of the arrival of a newborn. Now all our three children are growing up beautifully.
The plan was to invest our best into them, take care of them through school, and make sure they are positioned to access good opportunities in life. We were together in this plan until two weeks ago. I decided to go through my husband’s phone out of curiosity, and discovered that he is living another life that I didn’t know about.
Williams has a mistress. I know we’ve normalised cheating in married men but this doesn’t look like a man having a little fun on the side. If it was all a temporary affair, it would have shown in their conversations. The lady is currently pregnant.
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In the chat, she talked about getting rid of it. I am not saying it’s right for her to get rid of a pregnancy but isn’t this what they do in these kinds of situations? Well, in our case my husband is convincing his mistress to keep the pregnancy. After three children I don’t know what else he is looking for. My heart is so broken by this.
I don’t know how to go about this. I took screenshots of their messages. I am thinking I should send them to him and then give him the silent treatment. But for how long? I wish I could leave the marriage for him and his mistress but where do I even start with three children?
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My heart is heavy with sadness. I feel pained and bitter but I am keeping it in. My tears too, I am holding all of them back. I fear that if I start crying I won’t be able to stop. This is why I am maintaining a calm composure, and acting as if nothing has changed, even though the sight of him irritates me. I smile at him but in my heart, I wish him evil.
I hate that I am saddled with all these feelings. I wish I could find a way to address the issue so I would be free. The thing is, I don’t know what to do after I tell him I know what is going on. What do I do?
— Selli
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My dear, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. But, the lizard can’t eat his pepper for the frog to suffer for it.
Please do yourself a favor and let the tears out. Cry as much as you want to, so that all the pent out emotions can go away.
That being said, you have to let him know that you found out he got someone pregnant. Decide your next course of action based on you guys talk about. I wish you all the best.
Once again, don’t forget to cry. It is a healing therapy
I really commend you for being a strong and loyal wife despite the fact he betrayed you and cheated on you and also got the lady pregnant. When I found out my ex was and has been cheating and sleeping with a married man, I kept it to myself thinking I can handle it by getting more proofs. While doing that I also found out, she had cheated with a lot of guys. How did I find out, of course on her phone? A lady’s phone is a bed of secrets. I had to open up so my peace, we parted ways, we tried to mend things but it never worked cos she won’t stop so we ended it completely. It’s been 18months and I’ve never been happier. I am not saying you should divorce your husband and ur children’s father, you need to let him know. Keeping quiet will hurt you the more. Let the tears out, cry as much as you can but don’t drown in it. All the best.
You have to take the bull by it’s horn. You have to face your problems head on or else it will stay forever in your life and will even transform into something bigger. I will not tell you to stay neither will I tell you to leave. He who sees a fight and runs away lives to fight another. Be calm minded before approaching him. Pray for peace and guidance in facing the problem. Wishing him evil won’t do. Wish him well even though I know it’s not easy to do so. You are one hence what ever evil or good that befalls him will come after you and your children. Instead of mopping around pray . Tears won’t show you what to do neither will it change things but prayers will. Seek therapy. Work on yourself maybe you have forgotten who you once were before becoming a wife and mother. Sometimes we allow marriage to change us into someone we don’t recognise since you revolve your life around what your husband wants and kids need without taking into consideration what one needs as well . In shirt we forget our dreams and live our lives to please others. Hit the gym,take on new hobbies, change your clothes if need before.
You need to act now and act fast and ferous. Don’t play it nice. Attack in such a way that you will tell him what HELL has entered into him that a woman will ask to terminate a pregnancy and he advises her to keep it. If your marriage was in court, force him out into the street if he dares to keep the pregnancy and his mistress. Don’t pretend by keeping a fake peace. Ghanaians we do that and injustice fester.
ayoo be silent and die wai….