I was twenty and didn’t need a boyfriend but I had four guys chasing me. These were the guys who were able to verbalize their feelings. There were a lot of them who couldn’t say what they wanted. They were in my school, in my church, the places I went. They looked at me and licked their lips but couldn’t say anything. Mom told me, “Stay away from men. They’ll destroy your future.”

I didn’t believe Mom so I dated Kweku. We lasted for a few months. I dated Eric. That also lasted for a few months. I dated Jack. He was serious about me but I was only a girl looking for fun. When he couldn’t control me, he also left me. There were too many men around that immediately one left, another took his place. What I didn’t give them was sex.

At twenty-two, I entered into a serious relationship with Edu. He was way older than me—eight or nine or ten years older, I’m not sure. He talked about the future as if it was something we see when we wear dark spectacles. He wanted to marry me. He wanted his kids from me. He wanted to grow old with me. My dad got a breeze of our relationship and stormed his house. It was an eyesore.

He created a scene. He painted him awingaa. He warned he was going to make it a police case if he ever saw him around me. The future we planned together disappeared the way the clouds do in the presence of the sun. Because a girl like me didn’t stay single for long, I got another one. We were so discreet even God found it hard to see what was going on between us. Mom campaigned about chastity. Dad sang about how beautiful my future would be without men hovering around me.

I listened to them somehow and laid low. I’m thirty-three as I write this. I came out of school with flying colours. I got a job when my mates were still writing, “Attached is my CV.” I’m grounded and ready for the next thing in life—what my parents were preparing me for. Where are the men?

One will appear from the left and disappear at the right. Those who appeared from above were married men who disguised themselves as single men just to have fun. The ones that jumped from the earth were the devil’s reincarnate. They eat your meat and leave nothing for tomorrow. The last guy I dated was like that.

He showed me shege. He’s the reason I’ve taken two years break from relationships. He slept with a hook-up girl in my car and left the used CD in the car while I was waiting for him in his room. When I confronted him he said, “Maybe someone was throwing it away and it unfortunately landed in the car because I forgot to shut the window.”

Where are the good men when you’re ready?

The Secret He Wasn’t Telling Me Was On His Phone

I was young but I can say for sure that the men I met were good to me. They understood my need to wait and were happy to call me their girlfriend. Now, I’m ripped but can’t find one good man. I’m not in a hurry. I’m still on break. I pray the next one I meet when I’m out is the one, else Catholic nun straight.

— Edith

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