At my age, I cannot afford the luxury of jumping into relationships. First, I have to make sure the person who proposed to me is someone worth considering based on their background. With proper checks, I would get to know if this person is married or has a woman in their life. This helps me to regulate who I allow to get close to me all in the name of finding love.

I am a forty-eight-year-old woman raising my kids as a single parent. I didn’t imagine I would be back in the dating field at this stage in my life but life happened. So here I am, looking to give love another try. 

One of the gentlemen who caught my interest recently is called Mark. He is fifty-three and claimed he was single at the time I met him. I didn’t just accept his word. I asked around about him. Everyone I spoke to had good things to say about him. They sang praises of his character. “He is a good man,” they all said. 

 The first time he invited me to his house, I went. I did it as part of my investigation. If I enter a house a woman lives in, I would know. That’s what I went looking for. I wanted to make sure that there was no evidence of another woman in his life before I would get involved with him. And truly, I didn’t see anything suspicious in his house. He was as clean as unused Kleenex.  

After I left, I agreed to give him a chance. He was sweet and kind. “You can always be yourself around me,” he encouraged. Once he told me, “I love surprises so feel free to surprise me anytime you want.” I had no such plans but it was useful information for the future. 

I grew to love him as time passed. Everything he did showed that we were courting. He called regularly to check up on me. On days we were both too busy to speak on the phone, we still communicated through text messages. He was intentional about checking up on my children, and this easily made him look like a good match in my eyes. I saw myself having a future with him. Just like me, he also has kids. The only difference is that his kids are older and have left the nest while mine are still under my care. 

When we got to a place where we were sure of each other, he invited me over to his house again. This time around I didn’t do it out of curiosity. I went with the purpose of spending quality time with him. Everything went smoothly that day. At night, things got heated in a moment of passion. We had so much fun that we ended up going all the way. 

Nothing changed between us after our night of intimacy. He continued to call every day to check up on me. He still texted to check up on me and my kids. Things progressed fairly well. The next time he asked to see me, I went by after I closed from work. 

That day we had a long talk. He spoke mostly about his food. “You know I live here alone. It makes eating quite challenging for me because I can’t cook. I end up eating from the street vendors. You know it’s not a healthy lifestyle,” he concluded. He didn’t state it in plain terms but I understood what he meant. He was trying to tell me that I should cook for him.

Somewhere in the middle of September this year, I decided to go to his place and cook some stews and soups for him. It was on a Friday so I got off work early. I then went to the market and shopped for ingredients. 

I didn’t tell him I was coming to cook for him or that I was coming to see him. I wanted to surprise him. He did say he liked surprises, didn’t he? I thought it would be fun to just drop by with ingredients and start cooking. 

When I arrived at his place and opened the gate, he was sitting on his porch with a friend. I greeted them and he responded calmly. “Sit down,” he said as he motioned to an empty seat. I sat and he asked his friend to bring me water. His friend went inside for the water. I didn’t get the chance to drink the water before this man asked me, “Who asked you to come to my house without my permission?” Okay, that wasn’t the kind of reaction I expected.

Before I could tell him about the surprise I had planned, he started hitting his hand on the table in front of him while saying, “This is the behaviour of a crazy person. You don’t show up at someone’s house uninvited.” That’s how this man humiliated me as if I was just a random stranger who walked into his house. Anyone watching us could easily assume he didn’t know me from anywhere. 

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He said all sorts of bad words to me. I was too shocked to say anything. I just sat down watching and receiving insults from him for over an hour. When he finished talking I apologized; “I am sorry I showed up here without telling you. I didn’t know you don’t like to be surprised this way. Now that I do, I am leaving.” 

Right before I left he told me, “Although you have asked for forgiveness nothing has changed. You’ve already done what I don’t like. I never suspected that you would do something this unpleasant. At this point, even if I get intimate with you I won’t feel anything.” He went on and on with his rants till I finally left. 

The Secret He Wasn’t Telling Me Was On His Phone

Although he verbally abused me, I felt I brought it upon myself by showing up at his house unannounced. I told myself that if I hadn’t gone there in the first place, he wouldn’t have cause to react the way he saw fit. So the next morning, I sent him a message apologizing once again for crossing his boundaries. 

The moment he saw my message he started calling me but I didn’t pick up. Just because I apologized for invading his privacy doesn’t mean I condone the way he treated me. Even if unwanted visitors were a deal breaker for him, he should have communicated his displeasure like an adult, not a toddler throwing tantrums. He shouldn’t have acted as if I meant nothing to him. I had purposed in my heart that the relationship was over before I left his place. Till now, it remains over. 

— Lorraine

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