I was pregnant with our secondborn when the call came. I didn’t know the number. When I answered the phone, I heard a lady’s voice. She asked, “Is this Mabel?” “Yes, I am Mabel. Who am I speaking to?” I asked her. She didn’t tell me her name. All she said was, “Today’s call is just to check if this is truly your number. Now that I have it saved, I will call you another time for us to talk.” My curiosity was stoked but she refused to say anymore. I had to quiet my thoughts and say okay. 

The next time she called me, three months had passed. This time around she introduced herself. “I am Akua. I am married to your husband and we have two children together.” Those words held me spellbound. A part of me wanted to laugh and call her a joker. I couldn’t though. Another part of me knew something was off about the man I married. That’s the part that leaned toward hearing what the woman had to say. 

I was in my late thirties when I married Richard. I had only been in one relationship before I met him. The guy I dated was a pastor who cheated on me several times because I made a decision to keep my virtue intact until my wedding night. I put up with it but when it became too much, I moved on with my life and met Richard.

We were in different regions so the temptation for him to get into my pants was minimal. He knew my stand on sexual purity and agreed to wait until marriage. That was one thing that made me easily fall in love with him. Due to my experience with my ex, I wanted to make sure he didn’t have another woman or other women in his life. I travelled to his region on two occasions and spent weeks there. 

I didn’t see anything suspicious when I was there. There was no sign of another woman. I even told myself, “Sometimes these men have hidden wives. You won’t know it until you live with them.” It’s understandable then that I would conclude he didn’t have anyone after I had lived with him for weeks. 

I met his mother and siblings. They all treated me like I was the only woman he ever brought home. It made me feel safe. Our traditional ceremony went on smoothly. A week later, we held our white wedding ceremony in my church. It was all uneventful. 

It wasn’t until I conceived after a year of marriage and gave birth that things started looking someway. His mother came to help with the baby. And his siblings also came by from time to time. They all behaved in a way that suggested they were hiding something. Their words were guarded. It was all very strange. 

My husband also handled the baby in a way that felt our child was not his first child. I even told him, “You look and behave like someone who has been married before.” He said, “Really?” And laughed loudly. I also joined him to laugh and we left it there. 

I tried to treat my suspicions lightly but there was this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that there was something about my husband nobody was willing to talk about. I didn’t have the answers until Akua called me that day. Everything she said filled in the blanks for me. 

I asked her a lot of questions. 

“Are you sure the man you are talking about is the same man I married?”

“Yes. Is his name not Richard?” She then proceeded to describe him and list certain parts about him that only someone who knew him intimately would know. I was shocked. My world became dark at that moment. 

“So is he your ex-husband now?”

“No, he is still my husband.” 

“Then where were you when I was dating him?”

“I was living elsewhere. I knew about you but I didn’t care enough to bother. It was when I heard about your wedding that I wanted to show up and cause chaos. Unfortunately, nobody gave me the wedding location. It pained me.”

It pained me as well to find out three years into my marriage that my husband had another family nobody told me about. According to Akua, they are not legally married. Even the traditional rites, he didn’t perform it fully. He only did something half. Now that he was married to him, she called to tell me; “Tell him to marry me officially so we can both share him.” She said it wouldn’t be a problem because we lived in different regions. 

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How could she ask this of me? I told her I couldn’t share my man. That was the end of the conversation. I confronted my husband after the call. He couldn’t give me any tangible reason for lying but he apologized and swore he and Akua were over. 

As I share this story, we’ve been married for ten years. Akua is no longer in the picture but her memories haunt me day and night. I still remember her conversation as though it happened yesterday. I remember the hell I went through when the truth came out. The nights I spent crying into my pillow and the days I spent weeping in the bathroom. I look at my husband and all I see is another woman’s husband.

I know I forgave him when he apologized but I am still hurt by his lies and betrayal. Sometimes I even wonder if he is sneaking around with Akua and I haven’t found out. I know it’s not healthy to feel this way while I am in the marriage. I thought about leaving him when the whole thing happened but my sister advised me to stay.

She said, “You are already pregnant with your second child so where are you going? He doesn’t treat you badly, you can attest to that. You two were perfectly happy until his skeletons came to light. He is a good father too. So stay and make sure you have all your kids with him. If by the time you are done, you still want to leave, fine. If by then you’ve healed too, good for you.” I listened to her advice and stayed.

Now I am done having all my kids with him but I haven’t healed. However, I don’t want to take them away from their father. My sister didn’t lie when she said he was a good man. He still is. He takes good care of us. Apart from the Akua incident, he hasn’t done anything for me to use as a reason to leave him. It’s just that deep in my heart, I am not happy. I wish Akua had contacted me before the wedding. I wouldn’t have gone ahead with it.

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I wish she hadn’t waited long enough for the kids to start arriving. I am financially stable so I know I can take care of them by myself but I don’t want them to grow up in separate homes because of divorce. That is what is keeping me here. My question is, is my marriage to him even legal? What about inheritance when it comes to the children? How will the law handle it?

Also, I am wondering if there is a way to get past this so I can be happy again. If after all these years I still feel this way then what am I doing?

— Mabel

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