My love journey started when I was twenty-two and in the university. The first guy I met was as sweet as cherry. He was like a male lead in a romance novel; dashing, devilishly handsome, and full of charisma. He said all the right things and showed me in grand ways that he wanted to be with me. I fell for it. 

I fell so hard for him before I got to know that he had another girlfriend back home. The truth broke my heart into tiny little pieces. It hurt to let go but what would I have gained if I stayed? I carried my heavy heart and worked my way to healing. It took a long time but I finally did it. 

After him, I dated a godly guy. The first one was also like that but this one carried the presence of the Holy Spirit with him wherever he went. I thought if I gave my love to the man who communed with God, my heart would be kept safe and protected from pain. That was a wrong move. When he was leaving me this was the line he used, “I want to get closer to God so I need us to break up.” Who am I to stand between a man and his God? I let him go and move on. 

I was determined to take a break from love. Told myself I wouldn’t look in the direction of any man again. The only times I agreed to talk to a man was if we were friends. That’s how I started hanging out with this guy from my church. It was all in the name of friendship until we fell in love. 

The way I loved him was not of this world. He was the mountain I was ready to die on. I caught him cheating on me several times but I couldn’t leave him. I was tired of starting over with someone new every time something went wrong. That’s why I kept forgiving him. 

I’d sit him down and ask, “Why do you keep cheating? Am I not enough for you?” On his good days he would tell me, “It’s because I am not over my ex but I am working on it. Please bear with me.” On his bad days he would tell me, “You are perfect but I want to try other ladies.” No matter what he said or did I stayed. 

I got pregnant along the line and we had a baby boy. Financially, he wasn’t present. He wouldn’t stop cheating too. I think that was when it dawned on me that he was never going to change. So I finally left him.

Once again I decided that I was done with relationships. I was focused on working and taking care of my child. Then I met this wonderful guy. I didn’t want to give him a chance at first but he proved that he was everything I needed in a man. Someone solid and reliable. 

Where my baby daddy is not present and supportive, this guy is. He is very educated and has a stable job. Nothing he has done ever gave me a reason to doubt his love for me. As we well know, nobody has it all. The one thing about this guy that I have a problem with is his faith, He is not a christian. 

He is an ancestral worshipper. He pours libation. Everyone around him believes and worships the smaller gods. This scares me sometimes. I wish he’d go to church. Any church at all but he strongly believes in his deities.  

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There is a big gutter behind their house. One day he asked me not to pour water in it again. According to him, it used to be a river before it dried out. “The river goddess doesn’t like it when we pour water on her,” he warned. I wanted to ask him how he came by that information but I held my tongue. I didn’t even try to argue. I just said okay. 

At the beginning of the relationship, I prayed that the Holy Spirit through me would convert him. However, every time I tried to speak to him about Christ he told me, “Don’t talk about my religion and I won’t also talk about yours. Deal?” I have accepted that I can’t change him.

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I’m scared this is going to affect us when the time comes for us to get married. My mum knows him but I didn’t tell her anything about his faith. It’s because I know my family will not accept him if I tell them the truth. We are Christians, after all. 

Honestly, I don’t know what to do about this situation. Sometimes I feel I should let him go but he is a good guy. I love him so much that the thought of losing him breaks me. I don’t want to go through yet another heartache. Should I play it safe and walk away? Or I shouldn’t let religion come between me and this beautiful soul? How do I win the battle ahead without losing the man I love?

— Nina

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