He assured me that I was the one he loved and not her. “What happened with her was a mistake,” he swore under his breath as he begged me to give him another chance. I wasn’t angry or yelling insults at him for the blow he dealt my heart. No, I was more dignified in my response even though there was no dignity in the way he treated me. I just sat down quietly and listened to him spill his guts. 

The entire time he described how he did not intend to get involved with her, I asked myself what I was going to do. This is a man I had spent six years of my life with. I was twenty-three and was doing my national service after training college when we met. He was exactly what I wanted in a man. The only thing he didn’t have was a job. 

While it was important to me that my ideal man had a job and was financially sound, I knew he had prospects. As long as he had the right qualifications to gain employment with time, he was good for me. So I agreed to his proposal that we start a relationship. 

When I finally got posted to work, he was still unemployed but it was fine with me. I encouraged him to keep praying and apply to more jobs. I prayed with him too. Sometimes I even fasted on his behalf that things would turn around for him. I spoke to people I knew in an attempt to help him land a good job. I also scouted job ads and sent him the ones that fell within his expertise.

I believe in sticking with a man through his hard times so we can celebrate together when the story changes. And my boyfriend knows this about me. That’s why I was one of the first few people he called when he finally got a job. That day I screamed for joy amidst singing praises to my maker. It was a win we both celebrated. 

We started planning our marriage when he started receiving his salary. We talked about the process we would have to go through with our families. We discussed the kind of ceremony we would have, the guest list, and the budget. 

It was while we were still in this planning stage that he came to tell me he got another lady pregnant. Is that how you treat a woman who stuck with you through thick and thin for six whole years? I was so heartbroken that I couldn’t speak.

According to him, it was a mistake. She was a moment of weakness he could not resist. “The pregnancy doesn’t change our plans. I am still going to marry you. You just have to forgive me so we make things work.” That’s what he said. He also assured me that the other lady would not interfere with our relationship. No baby mama drama. 

I know he messed up. After everything we’ve been through together, I don’t deserve to be betrayed by him like this. However, after listening to everything he had to say, I decided to give him a chance to prove that truly, I am the one he wants. 

The plan was for him to be present for the baby as a co-parent. He would talk to her and tell me it was to check up on the pregnancy. He would go see her and tell me, he is trying to take care of his child right from the pregnancy stage. I was confused about how our relationship was going to work now that there were going to be two more people involved. Then I found out that he is giving this pregnant lady the impression that they would end up together.

Everything he tells her doesn’t sound like the end of her era. It rather makes me feel this is the end of my time with him. I am sure that he has feelings for her. If he didn’t he wouldn’t be leading her on when he clearly told me she was a mistake. Now, I am questioning all the things he has ever told me. 

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I haven’t confronted him yet because I don’t trust that he would tell me the truth. So I am doing the next best thing. I am driving myself crazy with worry. I am anxious when I think about our future. With the way things are going, I fear there may be none. All this time I am spending waiting for him to sort himself out so we can carry on with our marriage plans might end up becoming a total waste. 

These days we don’t even communicate as much as we used to. His attention is divided. When I complain he tells me I am nagging. Or he would accuse me of envying the other lady.

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What if he chooses to marry the lady after she delivers, instead of me? The child they have can create a deeper bond between them. The most annoying part is he can’t seem to decide which of us he wants. One moment he tells me I am the one he will marry but behind closed doors, he is telling the lady they have a future together.

Am I wrong to think he is selfish and ungrateful for not wanting to make sacrifices to be with me just as I made sacrifices for him when he was jobless all those years? Now I don’t know if I should throw away the six years we spent together and leave him for the lady, or if I should stick around and see if he will choose me. 

— Dew

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