When we first got married, I was always spending my free time with my wife at her shop. She runs a beauty salon while selling airtime on the side. The shop is not far from home but she closes at 10 pm. I would close from work and go stay with her until she closed. Sometimes the place got busy but I preferred it to going home to an empty house. I saw us spending that much together as a means to bond. My wife didn’t. She saw my constant presence as an opportunity to shout at me.

On days the place was busy and she was under a little pressure, my wife would shout and order me around as if I was an annoying child in her space. If someone wanted something and I made a mistake, she would dress me down with insults. It didn’t matter that there were customers present. After a while, I didn’t need anybody to advise me to stop going to the shop. I had to advise myself. After work, I would go home and sit in our room waiting for her to return home.

Although staying away from her shop helped reduce the quantity of disrespect she served me, it also started bringing distance between us. It’s important to me that we are intentional about making time for each other as a married couple. So I asked that we go out on dates.

Every time I asked her, “Are you free today so we can go sit somewhere and talk?” She would tell me, “How much money do you intend to spend when we go out? Why don’t you save it instead?” I told her that once in a while, it wouldn’t hurt to be out in town. I begged her even. It all fell on deaf ears. There was no day that she accepted my invitation for a social outing.

My life became monotonous. I would go to work, close, and go home to be alone till my wife closed, sleep, and repeat the cycle the next day. It was no fun. Not that I was looking for crazy fun. I just wanted a change of scene now and then.

I accepted that my wife wouldn’t come along if I asked her. Thus I turned my attention from her to myself. I would hit up my friends to ask if they were going out. Then I would go hang out with them. Other times I went alone. Upon my return, my wife would meet me with anger and insults.

She started punishing me by giving me the silent treatment. The next thing that was affected was our bedroom life. We could go for two months without doing it. The last time it was even three months. I was starved. I confided in my friends and they advised me to pay keen attention to her. “Maybe when you touch her you don’t leave her satisfied. That’s why she doesn’t like you touching her. Ask her if there’s something you are doing that she doesn’t like.”

I know myself. I know I don’t leave her hanging. Regardless, I went home and spoke to her. I asked her questions. She assured me that it had nothing to do with satisfaction. My friends then asked if it is my size. “Maybe your thing is big and hurts her during the act.” Knowing my wife, if it was too big for her she would have complained.

Truly, when I asked her about it she said it had nothing to do with my size. One day we got into an argument about this same issue. I wanted to do it but she didn’t. When I tried to persuade her, she got angry and yelled at me.

In the heat of anger she said, “Don’t you know that I enjoy it most when I haven’t done it for a long time and start to miss it? That’s why I don’t want to do it as frequently as you want.” Usually, I am the calm one when we are arguing. I would just listen to her rant. This time around though, I outrightly told her; “You are a very selfish woman.”

A lot has happened since that time. My dad is currently bedridden because of a stroke. He lives with with us now. Taking care of him has taken such a financial toll on me. It didn’t help matters when I lost my job at some point.

My wife became the provider. That only made her verbal abuse worse. I even developed a heart problem because of all the constant fights and stress. There were days I had to beg this woman for food before I would eat.

To be married and suffer at the hands of my own wife was too much for me to bear. So I went to her family and presented a request that our marriage be annulled. The family gave us some time to talk things over and if there’s no headway, we should return. I was hopeful that my wife would reason with me and change her ways. Well, those hopes were dashed when I saw that she was now determined to do worse. She would either give me silent treatment or insult me when she wanted to say something to me.

A lady I used to work with decided to step in and be my helper. Nothing intimate ever happened between us. This was a subject we discussed before she started helping me. We agreed that nothing untoward would happen and it did not. She was there for me financially, morally, and even spiritually.

When my wife found out about her, she got angry and punished me for it. She would lock me out of an apartment that I paid rent for. The people I hired to take care of my dad, she fought with them and sacked them. Prior to that, she told me, “I am tired of using my money to take care of you and your sick father. I won’t do it again.” God being so good, I got a job just as she withdrew her support.

The downside was my physical presence when it came to taking care of my dad. My wife’s shop was not far from home but she refused to do it. I went to work late because I had to feed him and give him medication before leaving home. Then during lunch break, I would rush home to feed him and give him medication before going back to work.

One time my wife and I got into an argument in public. As usual, I did something she didn’t like so she resorted to insults. She called me a fool to the hearing of everyone present. I also got angry and retaliated with a slap. Her response was a quick run to the police station. She had me arrested.

After my release, I stopped trying to make things work between us. I kept a distance and only spoke to her when it was necessary. I went out of my way to avoid her company. When she noticed I was no longer fighting for her, she went to bring people to help her apologize for all the ways she had messed up. I accepted her apology but I continued to stick with myself and ignored her.

This continued until I hired another caretaker. Just as things started shaping up for me, my lady friend who helped me during my difficult time passed away. It was a huge blow to me. While I was dealing with that, the caretaker quit her job abruptly. I was back to struggling and drowning.

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My wife who had been trying to get back into my good graces after the incident where she got me arrested, seized the opportunity and started helping me to take care of my dad. I saw that she was changing so I decided to loosen up and give us another chance to work on our marriage.

Things were looking good until I made a WhatsApp update a few days ago. I had posted a photo of my friend, who passed. I captioned the picture, “I miss you so much and I love you.” My wife saw it and chose to start giving me hell again.

I Found Him In Church Cheating Instead Of Praying

This same wife took to Facebook and started dating men for money when she was financially down. I have seen pictures and audio messages she sent to these men but I haven’t said anything. I just comforted myself saying she did it out of hardship.

So I don’t understand why she is angry that I posted someone who has helped me in my lowest moments and is even dead. I feel like she is always going to look for reasons to fight in this marriage. I am also tired of all the drama. I want peace now. Is continuing with this marriage a good idea? Or I should just leave her and be free?

— Kevin

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