When my mother asked Owura where he got his information, he said his father told him. “He said,” my mother narrated, “that you were the one who told his father that the child does not belong to them.” “Huh? What are you talking about?” I asked in confusion. My mother took her time and explained; “When I asked Owura to buy diapers for your baby this is what he said, ‘Why should I buy diapers for a child they say is not mine?’ I asked who said the child was not his and he said his father got the information from you. Now do you understand?” Of course, I understood. 

I already knew what she meant the first time. Comprehension was not the source of my confusion. When I asked what she was talking about, what I meant was, “Where is this coming from?” A lot of things went through my mind. Different emotions filled my heart. The loudest of them was anger. He didn’t deny the pregnancy when I told him I was pregnant and it was his. So why was he now saying the child was not his? 

He said his father got that information from me so I called his father. The man didn’t pick up. I followed up the call with a WhatsApp voice note. The message was simple; “Please when did I tell you that your son is not the father of our daughter? I want to know why you told Owura I am the one who shared this information with you. I am ready for us to swear on whatever deity we believe in. If indeed I said it but have forgotten, then let me be dealt with it. But if I didn’t say this and you are just bearing false witness against me, then it’s up to you.”

If I seem too angry about this situation, here is why. Owura and I dated for five years. Right from the beginning of the relationship, he told me that I am the woman he wants to marry. I already had a child before he came into the picture. When I told him this, he said it didn’t matter to him. “I don’t have anything against single mothers,” he said, “If only you don’t have anything doing with the father of your child and won’t go back to him then we are fine.” 

My ex and I had nothing between us except the child, I assured of him that. Throughout our time together, I didn’t do anything to make him question my loyalty or my intentions toward him. It was all about us. He met my family and they loved him. However, when it came to his family, I didn’t meet them until I found out I was pregnant with his child.

He was happy about the news of the pregnancy. He wanted to be a father. “My family will be thrilled to know that I am finally going to have a baby,” he announced. It was all good news and excitement until I finally met his family. I believe we wouldn’t have had problems with any other person had it not been for his mother. 

As soon as the woman found out I already had a child, she said no to our plans to get married. “My son will not marry a born-one woman,” she declared. That was the beginning of the end of our relationship. Owura didn’t even attempt to persuade his mother to change her mind or at least fight for us. He just gave up. 

I was pregnant so I didn’t want to stress myself for it to affect the baby. I didn’t beg him to stay or attempt to hold on to him. One thing I learned from my past relationship is that a man who wants to stay will stay. If he doesn’t, he will seize every opportunity to leave. That’s why I watched him do whatever he wanted to do.

I had the baby on 8th September of last year. His family was present for the naming ceremony. They even named the child themselves. I was so sure that it was a sign of their acceptance. That was what I thought but the reality told a different story. 

Owura never attempted to provide for any of our needs. It’s not even about me right now. It’s all about the baby. He has never sent even baby wipes for our child. I was deeply hurt by this. Because this is not the man I fell in love with and dated for five years. The Owura I knew was a responsible man so why won’t he provide the needs of his own child?

READ ALSO: Our Relationship Was One Year Old When He Told Me He Had A Wife

 Through it all, I decided not to ask him for anything. Rather, I chose to remain quiet and watch him. I believe I expected him to come to his senses and do the needful. Sadly, it didn’t happen. 

I would have continued to leave him alone had I not gone broke these past few days. I ran out of diapers for the baby. That was when I asked my mother to tell Owura to buy diapers for his child. This was the first time I was asking him for anything concerning the baby. Only for him to tell my mum, “Why should I buy diapers for a child they say is not mine?” 

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Even after all those utterances, I expected them to call or send a message on the child’s birthday but they didn’t. Even Owura couldn’t be bothered to wish his own child a happy birthday. His father has also not responded to my voice note, asking him to tell me when I announced that Owura is not the father of our child. 

After everything I have seen, I don’t even know why I let my daughter bear their name. They haven’t contributed a pesewa to her upkeep since I had her. And now they claim the child is not theirs. Which means I can decide to give her my family’s name instead of theirs. If they decide to take me to court for doing that, I am also building my case so I am ever ready for them. My question is, will I be wrong to do this? Or two wrongs don’t make a right so I should just let the child bear their name till they are ready to come around and do the needful? 

— Felicia

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