We’ve gotten to a point in our marriage where everything is at a standstill. After eleven years of marriage and two kids, I feel like I’ve seen everything there’s to see when it comes to this marriage.
For eleven years, he had been doing the same thing. Stingy to the core. Even more stingy with words. He won’t praise you, encourage you or compliment you. You hear his voice only when there’s something wrong and to him, something is always wrong.
My kids are my friends. They are the ones who keep me grounded. Their voice, their cries, their worries are everything to me. They live their lives like they don’t have a father because he always brushes them off. When they cry, he screams at them. When they go to him he redirects them to me. His favourite phrase; “Go to mummy.” So the kids know me and not him.
What pushed me to share my story here is what happened not long ago. I travelled for a funeral. I left home on Friday and returned on Sunday night. The first time in our eleven years together that I’ve been away for this long. When I got to the village I called him. In the evening I called to check up on him. On Saturday, he missed my call but I got busy along the way so I put my phone somewhere.
In the evening I ran to my phone thinking I’d missed plenty of calls from him. Nil. I mean zero calls from him. He didn’t even respond to the one he missed.
On Sunday when I set off, I didn’t call him. I went to my parents first for the kids and stayed for a while, hoping he would call and ask what was keeping me late. He didn’t. I got home at 10pm, he wasn’t home. He came a few minutes later and pretended it was life as usual.
I don’t feel anything for him at this point. He goes out and comes in late but it doesn’t bother me. I’ve learned not to care because he doesn’t care.
I was with my parents and saw how they were lively after all these years of marriage. They play like kids. They fight like they don’t know each other. They say their sorry and go back to normal again. Why is mine different? No, it wasn’t like that from the beginning and I can’t pinpoint where it changed. It degraded gradually until it got to this point.
How Do You Find Love Again As A Single Parent?
Thank you for reading this and thank you for whatever you’ll say. If you comment on this, it means you care for me than my husband though you don’t know me. Even if you insult me, you care. At least you read and paid attention to understand my story. My husband won’t do that even if I trumpet it in his ears. Maybe he’s out of it but can’t say. I’m out of it too because I don’t care. I might say it. At the right time.
— Freda
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Sorry Freda
No sane human will read your post and throw insult. I strongly believe 11yrs of marriage is an achievement and it’s worth celebrating. I have few questions though. 1. Do you think he is cheating. 2. Have you ever or once in the marriage, insulted, degraded and embarrassed him to the point he felt less of a man(That’s enough reason for him to act the way he’s been aching) Lastly, have you sat him down to tlk to him where and when he listens? No man will neglect his wife and kids the way you narrated this sorry. If a man does all these things, he is nothing but an irresponsible and not fit and worth being called a man. I wish you all the best in whatever you choose to do.
Have you tried prayer, if possible waking him to pray together or something.
Please be patient, take solace from both your children and parents while you wait for God’s time. For His time is always the best. Love to you and your family. It is well dear. I have been married for 16 years and experienced all of that, just when i was ready to move on, i had a dream and from there, he also noticed it and called for a serious talk and has led us to deliberately start working on our marriage. God created marriage talk to him.
Your story is almost same as mine. Been married for the last 13 years and I also feel like we have gotten to a place where our marriage is not going anywhere.
I used to care so much then stopped caring when I felt like my feelings were being ignored generally. Then i got to a point where It was the other way round. I stopped caring as well. For a long time I haven’t cared what he does with his life and not bothered at all. He can call and I ignore his calls and texts messages and only reply when I feel the need to.
Right now he is showing interest and really tryong to make up for the Lost times but I feel nothing. Like I lost all interest for him completely.
So I am writing just to encourage you that you are not alone. Right now I feel like I want to be away from him for a while. I haven’t found a solution yet. I don’t know how we are going to get out of this solution though but in the mean time….let’s just focus on ourselves and what makes us happy and makes us become better to boost our self confidence.
LN has it all but what I have to add to it is sometimes the fault lies with us but we go around look for it around others. I guess your husband thinks same of you. Draw closer to him and don’t be discourage. No man dislikes endearment. Sometimes they way we approach a topic is very important.