The last time I saw my husband was five and a half months ago. I don’t know where is but I am not concerned. If anything, I am relieved. Happy even, if I dare say. Wherever he is I know he is fine. He is either outside the country or he is with one of his women.

It used to bother me but these days I could use the break. Due to his cheating ways, I used to get infections all the time. I mean, this is someone who could keep six or more girlfriends on the side. If I found out and confronted him, he would get abusive. So I don’t talk anymore. He leaves home and returns as and when he pleases. At this point, if I hear he has a child outside, I won’t even be surprised.

In his absence, I feel so free and peaceful. I have not experienced any infection since he left. I even took an HIV test and it was negative. Because of this, I am praying he doesn’t come back. If all things go according to plan, I will be leaving town soon. My prayer is that he only returns home after I have left.

Sometimes I try to envision the look on his face when he comes home and I am gone. I wish to see how he would feel when the woman he keeps on a leash finally breaks away. Ever since we got married, he has kept me under his thumb. He is rich so he feels he doesn’t need to listen to anyone. He behaves like nobody can touch him. Every little thing he would tell you, “I will let my lawyer handle you.” He says that to intimidate people and sometimes it works.

As for me, what he does is to reduce my upkeep money when I challenge him about anything at all. For instance, if he got abusive and I tried to defend myself. Or if I caught him cheating and I complained. Everything I do that did not please him, he would punish me by reducing the money he gives me to run the home.

It’s not as if I haven’t tried to leave. The moment I mention divorce, he tells me, “If you leave I will take the children from you. Try it and see.” That’s my fear. That he would succeed in taking our boy and girl from me. He has the power and influence I don’t have. He is not even the kind of man who can take care of his children all by himself. He never helped me when I delivered or helped with chores at home.

That’s how I know he will hand them over to one of his women. So every time I try to leave and he threatens to take the kids, I drop everything and stay.

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After all his efforts to keep me shackled to him, God has answered my prayers. A door has opened for me to study abroad on a scholarship. I believe this is God’s way of freeing me from this prison I call a marriage.

I am thinking about filing for a divorce before I go, but I am scared he will harass my mum in my absence and take the kids from her, just to spite me. I cannot also take the kids with me; even if I could, it would only be one of them at first, and then the other one follows after a few months.

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However, if I pretend I am still in the marriage before leaving, he will let the children stay with my mum even in my absence. So should I play along and pretend I also want this marriage? But the other question is, if I do this at what point will I be free of him?

He is also using his position in my life as a husband to tell me not to leave. Deep down he knows if I leave for school, I am not coming back. So he casually says things like, “If you leave me, your chances of getting another man will be very slim. How many men out there want a born-two?” That’s why it’s better for me if he is not around when I am leaving. Wherever he is gone, I hope he remains there till I have successfully left the country. Hopefully, the distance will give me some clarity on how best to handle the situation and not lose my kids to him in the process.

— Princess

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