Belinda and I were madly in love. I am not using the word, madly, lightly. People in my life used to tell me, “Jason, you love this girl too much. What did she do to you?” I would laugh and tell them, “You should also ask me what I did to her. Because she also loves me so much.” We went everywhere together. We did everything together. She was everything to me.

We were both young at the time. I was even in school. However, we always said that we would eventually get married. All we needed was some time and a little patience. “As soon as I complete school and start working, we will start planning our future together,” I often assured her. She stood by me and gave the impression that she believed the dream I had for us.

One day I texted my girl and she didn’t respond. I called her but she did not pick up. It took a while before I finally heard from her. I asked her if everything was okay and she said yes. Her behaviour continued the next day and the days that followed. She would take forever to return my calls and respond to my messages.

I tried not to make a thing out of it but the transition was too much. One moment we were as thick as thieves, but the next moment we were like grains of rice scattered across the floor. No connection. Barely any communication. I started to feel cold in the relationship. As if I was in the relationship all by myself.

I sat her down and asked her, “What’s going on? Did I do anything wrong? I want to know what the problem is so we can fix it.” She shook her head and said there was no problem. I repeatedly asked but she insisted we were fine. When I complained about the distance that was growing between us, she said she would change.

As time passed, things only got worse. I found myself begging several times for her attention on so many occasions. Each time I was met with nonchalance. When I realised there was no way she was going to change, I accepted that the relationship was over. I had no other choice but to move on with my life.

A few months after the breakup, she got married to another man. It all made sense then. All the attention she was not giving me, someone else was getting it. I was in school so I couldn’t have married her at the time that man married her. A classic case of, don’t let your boyfriend stop you from meeting your husband. It’s fun when people say it but it hurts like hell when you find yourself being dumped for someone else.

Healing was not an easy journey but I went through it. When the pain got bad, I would think about my future and then pick a book to study. Sometimes it worked as a good distraction. Other times I was too distracted to absorb anything.

Along the line, I heard Belinda was pregnant. I felt robbed. That was our dream she was giving to another man, you know. When she delivered a baby boy, I heard the news. I was happy for her but I didn’t reach out to congratulate her. I decided to stay in my corner and mind my business.

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Two years later, Belinda was in my Facebook inbox trying to get my attention. “I am sorry for the way I treated you in the past. Please find a place in your heart to forgive me,” she begged. I accepted her apology, told her I had forgiven her long ago and that I held nothing against her. That should have been it but she wanted more.

She asked if I could take her back and love her the way I once did. I had a lot of questions. Where was her husband? Where was her child? However, I didn’t want to get into it. I felt she chose her path and it was none of my business how it turned out. I also didn’t want to complicate my life with ghosts from the past. So I just ignored her messages.

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She sent her sister and her friends to talk to me but I didn’t mind them. One day Belinda sent me a message asking, “Jason, what do you want me to do for you to truly forgive our past and be mine again?” I told her, “Live your life. Forget I ever existed.” She responded, “If that’s what you want then okay.” Two days later, I heard the news of her demise. They said she did it to herself. Poison.

To date, I regret our last conversation. But I didn’t think I had any other options at the time. I didn’t want her back and I was honest about it. However, some people in her life blame me for her death. They said I judged her harshly, and that contributed to the choice she made. I have been thinking about this whole situation, trying to make sense of it. I ask myself if truly I pushed her to her grave. Most people said I did. Do you think it’s true? Did I do anything wrong by being honest about what I wanted?

— Jason

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