When I got pregnant with our first child, we decided to get the marriage list from my family and perform a small marriage ceremony to legitimize our union before the baby’s arrival. We were moving according to plan until I started having complications. I spent a lot of time in the hospital. The cost involved alone was enough for us to put our marriage plans on hold.

The focus was on making me comfortable and getting the pregnancy going as best as possible. When it was time for delivery, it wasn’t easy for me. Things got more complicated. The baby was big so I had to have a Caeserain Section. The procedure was successful but the baby’s oxygen saturation level was low. They had to put her on oxygen.

Ike, the father of my child, spent every dime he could gather to save his child’s life. By God’s grace, we were discharged after spending almost a month at the hospital. Our daughter did very well with her growth. She is now a very active child with no health issues. She is completely fine.

Two years after the birth of our first child, I conceived our second daughter. Unlike the first, this pregnancy did not come with complications. The delivery process was also not as life-threatening. Everything was uneventful.

Nine months ago, I delivered a healthy baby. The only concern I heard about my baby was from my in-laws. They say she is fairer than my oldest child. One of Ike’s aunts even asked me, “Are you sure you didn’t play an away game and brought our son this child?” It was unpleasant to hear but I tried not to take offense by that assertion.

I thought if I ignored them they would drop the issue but they were like a dog with a bone. One time another one of his aunts asked, “Are you sure your baby was not switched at the hospital?” What I don’t understand about their comments is that Ike is not dark-skinned. He is fair. I never met his mum because she is deceased but I have seen her photos. The woman is fair too. So it’s not as if everyone in the family is dark and I brought them a light-skinned child.

The complexion aside, their comments are uncalled for, considering the girls look alike. If not that one is older and bigger, you could easily mistaken them for twins. It is why it amazes me that they are questioning the paternity of the youngest child.

Now, I feel all the questions and doubts are getting to my children’s father. He denies it but he is making it clear the oldest child is his favorite. Can you believe he uses his hands to hit the nine-month-old baby when she is playing and accidentally ruins something?

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On the other hand, he wouldn’t even scold the older one when she misbehaves. And if I try to correct her about something she did that wasn’t right, Ike would get angry and fight with me. “Don’t ever hit my daughter again,” he would warn me.

I know that children are very observant. He may think his preference will go unnoticed but if he continues this behaviour as they grow up, it could breed envy and even hatred if care is not taken.

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I told him how his behaviour makes me feel. “However you feel about the other one, control it. It’s not nice for you to display it,” I advised. His response is always, “I suffered to get my first daughter alive. So there is no way I will allow you or anyone else to hit her for me.” Meanwhile, he is comfortable hitting the baby. Is it normal for a father to behave this way?

He doesn’t want to accept that he is doing anything wrong. It makes me believe he is listening to his family. It doesn’t matter to them that the kids are alike. Had it not been that the baby is lighter in complexion than the older one, you won’t see any difference between them. Yet he treats them so differently. Am I wrong to worry that it would destroy the children’s relationship with each other if he doesn’t stop?

— Favour

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