It took me twenty-eight years to learn that being a good girl doesn’t reward you with a good man. My entire life I have been good. Or at least I have tried to be. I memorised the rules and committed them to heart. I was told if I played by them, everything would fall into place.

They say don’t let a boy touch you unless he weds you. I followed it. I am a 28-year-old virgin because of this. They say, “It’s wrong to get involved with somebody’s husband.” So I turned away all the married men who came my way when I was growing up, even to this point. They came bearing gifts and money but I am not one to want what does not belong to me so I always said no.

No matter what they promised me, I refused. I said I didn’t want to start something that would become karma for me in the future. “If I go after another woman’s husband, someone will also come after mine someday,” that’s what I told myself.

The problem is, I have never even gotten close to marriage. The first guy I dated swore I was the one. I was certain we would make it to the aisle but we didn’t even get far. I had to walk away when it came to my notice that he was telling everyone I was not his girlfriend. If he says he is not with me then what am I doing here? So I left.

After him I met Nii. I was convinced that he would stay. He too assured me he was going nowhere. Unfortunately, nowhere did not include the USA. He left a few months into the relationship. I tried to hold on to the long distance and make it work but it wasn’t left to me alone to keep the relationship going. Even when my efforts were unmatched, I didn’t give up. All of it yielded nothing. He broke up with me before I knew what was going on.

Losing Nii broke me in ways losing my first boyfriend didn’t. I decided not to have anything to do with any man after him. For eight years, I stayed away from men. I was being careful. I wanted to make sure I was ready and that the next man I met would be just right for me.

While I waited, a part of me hoped Nii would come back to me. I prayed he would accept that I did nothing wrong. All I did was love him even when it tore me apart. Unfortunately, it was all wishful thinking. Nii was gone and not coming back. I had to close chapters on him and let go of his memory.

This year I decided to give love a chance again when I met Kweku. He swept me off my feet. He asked why I had been single for all these years. I didn’t hold anything back. I opened up completely about my past. I told him about the men I loved who didn’t choose me back. He assured me he was different. “I am not here to play games. I want something real,” he said.

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I gave him a chance. I don’t know how to love small. So I loved him the best way I knew, big, with my whole heart. He was just right for me. I was even thankful for all the disappointments and setbacks that led me to him. Little did I know that my man was in a nine-year relationship with another lady. I found this out when our relationship was one year old.

When I confronted him about it, he denied it. I had to present to him all the evidence I gathered before he admitted it. The painful part about all this for me was, that he saw better men coming my way while we were together. For someone who knew he wouldn’t keep me, he made sure to chase all those men away. Why are some men like this? I keep asking myself what was the point of it all? Why did he make me believe I was his when he knew he belonged to someone else?

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If I didn’t learn in the past, now I have learned my lessons the bitter way. You may play by all the rules but life doesn’t favour the good girls. This is why I have decided to play the field like those men in my life played me.

I will no longer be faithful to any man who comes my way. I will have two or three men at the same time. If men don’t appreciate good women or leave us alone when they know they have no honourable intentions for us, then let it not be said of me that I put all my eggs in one basket again.

— Naa

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