They say as human as we are, you must accept it when you mess up. That way you can work on changing for the better. That is why I am here to admit that I am the problem in my marriage. I’m not going to lie or pretend that I am the victim in this situation. I married a good woman. God-fearing too. I am crazy about her but my actions have driven her away from home. And now she won’t speak to me. I know she is one of the avid readers on this page so I’m sending her a message through this medium in hopes that she’ll know how deeply I regret my actions.

I am a young pastor in one of the churches here in Ghana. That is where I met Nadia. She was the choir leader. I knew I wanted to marry her right from the moment I saw her. The way she carried herself around with poise and grace was everything I wanted in a wife. When I started talking to her, I became more enamored of her. I liked the way her mind worked, I still do. We easily became friends.

I was hoping if she got to know me, she would like me enough to accept my proposal if I was ready to take that step. However, after two years of friendship, she turned me down when I asked her to marry me. By that time, I had gotten to know her better. Her kindness, and humility, coupled with all her other qualities had me willing to do anything to win her heart.

I was not deterred by her rejection. I came back more prepared and determined but once again her answer was, “No, I just see you as a friend. I don’t want to marry you.” Still, I refused to accept it. I would come back stronger and each time she would turn me away.

This went on until one day I asked her, “Nadia, do you know why I have decided not to give up on the idea of us? It’s because I don’t want to disobey God.” I remember the disbelief on her face when she asked, “What do you mean?” I seized the opportunity to tell her, “My proposal to you is an act of obedience to God. You see, he revealed to me that you are the woman I am supposed to marry.” It was a lie but it worked. She agreed to give me a chance after that conversation.

She gave me the condition that we wouldn’t have shuperu until marriage. It was difficult to do but I agreed to do it anyway. While I convinced her that I would abstain, I was busy having carnal knowledge of other ladies. I flirted with some and slept with those who avail themselves. I thought I would get away with it but she found out a week before marriage. She saw messages between me and some of these girls. They were explicit enough to tell her what was going on.

She wanted to call off the wedding but I didn’t let her. I apologized persistently until she forgave me. I promised her I would change and that I only did it because we were not intimate. Unfortunately, I didn’t stick to my promise after marriage. Once I had tasted the thing, I didn’t want to give it up. She did everything a dutiful wife is supposed to do but it was not enough for me. I continued to cheat on her with any woman I fancied.

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When she caught me doing things with other women, I used anger as a defense mechanism and abused her. Because I was cheating on her, I wanted to make sure she was not doing the same thing. I hacked her phone and accessed her WhatsApp. I didn’t find anything. You would think I would let it go but no. I wanted to keep an eye on her. So I forced her to quit her job and become a housewife. She didn’t want to do it but I made life hell for her until she did.

Recently, I read her messages and found out that she has been talking to her ex-boyfriend. I became possessed with some anger that I couldn’t control. I am not proud to admit this but I put her in the hospital. After she was discharged she refused to come home. Instead, she went to her grandparents’ place.

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I thought she only needed some time to cool off but once again I was wrong. She says she is not coming back. I know I should let her go but I am not ready to give up on our marriage. We are not yet one year into the marriage so how can I watch it all burn? Her absence has taught me how horrible I have been to her.

Nadia, I am sorry. I know what I did was wrong. You don’t deserve anything I put you through. Nobody deserves to be disrespected that way. I am filled with regret. Please give me one more chance to do better by you. I know you are still talking to your ex but I don’t care anymore. I just want us to work on our marriage. So stop talking about divorce and come back home, please.

— Michael

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