A year into my relationship with Jonas, I found out that I was not the only woman in his life. It took me that long to know because there was nothing to give him away. All those signs that you notice when your partner is entertaining other women did not come up. He was sweet, attentive, and always available to talk to me. He didn’t make excuses when I needed to see him either. I felt like the center of his universe. I wouldn’t have suspected a thing had I not gone through his phone one day.

That fateful day I wasn’t even expecting to find anything shady. I was just curious to find out the kind of life he lives on his phone. You know what they say, you don’t really know someone until you’ve seen conversations they have with others when you are not present. Well, that’s not exactly how the saying goes. But basically, you can find out a lot about someone when you look through their phones.

Usually, it’s unethical to invade someone’s privacy like that. That’s not the kind of relationship we had though. He made it look like he had nothing to hide. That’s why he gave me access to his phone. I never saw any reason to use the password until I did it out of boredom that day. I went through his chats and found out that he was dating another lady. Shock does not even come close to the way I felt.

I decided I would speak to the lady before I confront him. If I heard her side of the story first before confronting him, I would know if he was lying. That’s how little trust I had for him. I thought the lady came into the picture after me but when I spoke to her, I found out Jonas was actually cheating on the lady with me. “We’ve been together for six years now,” she told me. Which means they were five years into the relationship when he started dating me. Wow!

I asked myself, “Why would someone who is perfectly happy with their partner go in for another woman?” I felt he was using me as dessert because, after all, he already had his main chick. I was hurt. I was so broken that I couldn’t even confront him. I started to withdraw from him instead.

I was sure that he wouldn’t notice my absence. After all, he had a woman he had been with for years. Well, I was wrong. The more I pulled away, the more he pushed forward. When I tried to break up with him, he refused to let go. We went at it until I told him, “I know about your girlfriend. When were you going to tell me you are in a six-year relationship with another woman? Was I supposed to find out on the day of your wedding?” He said it wasn’t like that but I refused to listen to his explanations.

Later, he brought in some friends to talk to me. They all apologised on his behalf. He assured me he didn’t love her anymore. “I am sorry,” he begged, “I know I should have ended things with her before dating you but it’s over now. She is no longer in my life. It’s only you.”

Maybe I should not have believed him. I should have asked the lady if it was true. But all these are in retrospect. You must understand that I was still so much in love with him at the time it all happened. I believe that is why I took him at his word and continued our relationship.

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Along the line, he lost his job. I became his provider until he got back on his feet. As soon as things started looking good for him, he announced that he was ready for us to settle down. He has now gone to see my family and taken the marriage list. We plan to tie the knot in the next five months.

We’ve been together for three years now. Things were going well until I went through his phone recently and found out he was still dating the other lady. Again, I called the lady and spoke to her. She confirmed that they never broke up. I confronted my fiance and he told me, “I tried but after all the years we were together, I didn’t know how to end things.” He has sworn that he has no feelings for her anymore.

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Currently, I am sure that they are over but I am having second thoughts about the marriage. How can I be happy marrying a man who has wasted eight years of another woman’s life? What if the lady takes action against him spiritually? I know karma exists. And l don’t want anything to stop me and my unborn children from enjoying the kind of peace l want for my family.

I have tried to call off the wedding but Jonas is begging me not to let go. If I stay, what can l do to appease the other lady so she doesn’t curse him out of bitterness? Or should I walk away and start over? I am thirty-two, if it helps with the advice I will get here.

— Mae

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