I have two kids from two different men. The first one came when I was twenty. I was raped by a man who played on my mind. I was young and naive so I didn’t suspect anything when he called to send me. When I returned from the errand and he asked me to enter his room and put the item there, I did. He jumped on me and that was the end of the story.

I got pregnant when I was nineteen. He fled when my parents went there with the police. We didn’t see him again until now. When my parents wanted to flash the pregnancy, I don’t know what came over me, I fought them to keep it. Even when they threatened me with the cancellation of my education, I still stuck my ground. I gave birth to a girl who looks like a twin from me.

The second one was from a man who travelled abroad while we were dating. We dated for three years before he travelled. We were planning to get married before he got the opportunity to travel. A month after he travelled, I found out that I was pregnant.

This guy got angry that I was using pregnancy to force him to marry me. He denied the pregnancy telling me the maths he did said he wasn’t responsible. He broke up with me even before the baby was born and DNA was done. When it came out that he was the father, he told me he would take care of the child but the two of us couldn’t have a future together.

I’m a proud mother of two. Regardless of everything I’ve been through; the hardship, the ups and downs, the name-calling, I love being a mother so much I don’t know what I would have done with my life if I wasn’t a mother. So I write it anywhere there’s space; “I’m a proud mother of two.”

READ ALSO: Am I A Bad Wife If I Don’t Take The Loan For Him To Travel Abroad?

I made a comment on Facebook talking about my kids and how difficult it was to be a single mom. A guy came into my inbox praising me for my decision and the fact that I defended single mothers so well. He said he wanted to meet me one day. I told him we could meet when the heavens open the door.

When we met for the first time, he also shared his story with me. How he came to have two children with a woman who later ran away.

The mother of his kids met a man online. The man was abroad so she lied to the man about being single and not having kids. She dated the man online for a year before the man came to Ghana. He played the trick so well with her parents that the man didn’t know she was a mother of two.

A year later, the man worked on her papers and took her abroad. The intention was to marry there. According to him, he got to know about her travel a week before she left. She told him it was her uncle who was coming for her. By the time he knew, the mother of his two kids had married the man she said was her uncle.

When he got the hint, he also dropped the bomb about the kids. The man divorced the mother of his kids but she didn’t come back to Ghana again so he had been the one taking care of his kids with the support of his mom.

His story touched my heart so much that I wanted to be in his life immediately and help with the kids. I wasn’t even thinking of a relationship. I guess it was the motherhood instinct in me that kicked in.

I visited him several times to meet the kids and his mother. On one of those visits, he proposed to me. We had known each other for over four months. Of course, I had feelings for him so I accepted his proposal. We both were mature and knew where we were going so we agreed not to date for too long. A year to know each other. Another year to prepare for marriage. We talked about the kids and their future. We brought them together often to make them bond.

You should see these kids when they were together. They didn’t want to leave each other. We sat afar and loved the way they loved each other. It made me want to marry as soon as possible so I could have these kids under one roof.

It started from his mother’s side. The woman found problems with everything I did. When I cooked for her, she complained of too much salt, even when I didn’t put salt in the food. Anytime I went to visit with my kids, she ensured the kids knew where they belonged. She dolled on her grandchildren and shouted at mine at any given mistake.

I saw all that but didn’t complain because I knew after marriage, she wouldn’t be around to show her true colours. That was my motivation until I realized my boyfriend was always siding with his mom.

We spent a weekend with them. It was hell. Everything that went wrong was our fault. I told him about it and begged him to calm his mother down. He told me, “That’s how she is. If you can’t deal with her now, you can’t deal with her when we marry. Try to adjust.”

I listened. I adjusted even when it hurt. Even when it demeans me and my kids. Anytime we visited, we went with foodstuff. Anything we ate came from me until we left. I couldn’t let the woman know the money was from me so he started accusing me of wasting her son’s money on my children. I wanted him to defend me because he knew the truth but he also kept quiet until one day I snapped.

I told the woman I was doing my best and all I needed from her was her support. I told her I was supporting her son with money. I was also supporting his job and helping him to stand on his feet. That aside, I loved his kids so much that I couldn’t wait to live with them permanently.

She listened to me like a mother listening to her daughter only for her to tell my boyfriend that I said he didn’t have anything and that I was the one taking care of him.

Again he picked his mother’s side and believed everything she said. The fight lasted a week. I apologized for what I didn’t do. He asked me to apologize to his mom and I did. I wanted peace. Like the candle, I was melting myself to provide light in their lives. All wasn’t enough so one morning he texted me it was over.

I thought I deserved more than a text if it had to end. I went to his place to ask what the issue was. He didn’t want to talk about it until I heard his mom shouting across the room, “You people are too many. You overcrowd this place when you’re here. My son wants peace and not noise and crowd.”

I asked him, “Is that the reason?” He responded, “Not really but there’s some truth in it. You have two, I have two. We’ll make two or three babies when we marry. That’s a crowd. I rather start with someone who has one or nothing. And I’m scared you’ll always choose your children ahead of mine. It’s hard but it’s better we leave it here.”

I didn’t force it. I wanted it to work but at that moment, I realized it was better I let it go. I had fought with his mother for so long that I was tired. I didn’t have the strength to continue fighting.

We broke up a year ago. While I was fighting to have my peace, he resurfaced along the line, asking for favours with his kids. “My mom is sick. Can they come around for the weekend so I can go out and work?”

He Got Me Pregnant And Also Got His Ex Pregnant

I accepted them for a while until I realized it was becoming a norm. And each day they came around, they didn’t want to leave. It affected me emotionally and also affected my kids. I stopped him from bringing them.

Currently, he’s talking about marriage but I can see clearly from his unspoken words that he’s looking for a caretaker and not something he could commit to. I said no. He’s still here, begging to be accepted.  

— Maame Abena

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