Five months into my pregnancy, my husband told me I would have to go to his village to give birth. We were both living in Lagos at the time. That was where we met last year and got married almost instantly. After marriage, it didn’t take long for us to conceive. It was something we were both joyful about. All I ever wanted was for us to nurture the pregnancy together until the baby arrives. It’s why I was not enthused about his plan for me to move to the village.

When I raised my objections, he assured me that I wouldn’t be alone. “I have my own place in the village so you won’t be living with my mother. I will be going with you as well. We will be there together, you have nothing to worry about.” Although I had a life in the city and didn’t like the idea of moving to the village, his explanation provided me the comfort I needed to agree with him.

Nevertheless, life in the village was not easy. Just as he promised, I didn’t live with his mother. However, the woman expected me to visit her every day. It’s not as if she treated me kindly on these visits. She would make one snarky comment after the other. On her bad days, she would insult me to my face directly. I don’t know what I did to make her dislike me but she was blatant about it.

I did whatever I could for this woman to get to know me properly but she wasn’t interested. Even after I had the baby, she still expected daily visits. On days I didn’t go, she would get upset and throw tantrums. “Didn’t I tell you to come and greet me every day?” She would rant. On days I went too, she would be mean to me the entire time. Nothing I did to please her made any meaningful impact on our relationship.

When it looked like we couldn’t find a common ground, I explained to my husband; “I don’t like going to your mother’s house because she is abusive. The more she sees me, the more she disrespects me. If I make myself scarce, maybe she will learn to appreciate my presence.” He didn’t understand or at least cared to intervene on my behalf.

I wasn’t asking him to choose sides but he could have asked the woman to go easy on me. He didn’t. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I suggested we return to our lives in Lagos. “I am rotting away in this village. Now the baby is three months old which means I am ready to work. I would have been doing something if we hadn’t moved. I feel so bored here. Let’s go back, please.” Instead of listening to me, he said he didn’t see what I was complaining about.

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When I tried to persuade him to see things my way, he dismissed my argument with the statement, “I am not going back to Lagos. But you can go if that’s what you want.” I was upset but I listened to him.

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So right now I am in Lagos. Ever since I left, he has been angry with me. Day and night, he hounds me with phone calls and text messages. “Come to the village,” he says. When I made it clear that I didn’t intend to, he threatened to cut me off. “You will no longer be my responsibility. I will only send money for the upkeep of my son. As for you, you are on your own,” he said.

I agreed to his terms hoping he would come around in due time. However, he keeps spiralling out of hand. Now he says I can keep the baby for now, but after five years he will come and collect his child from me. So I’m sitting here wondering if I made a mistake by leaving the village. What do you think I should do? Did I make the right choice?

— Sade

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